


F is for Frank

by silver_etoile



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe, Kid Fic, M/M, Single Parents, preschool teacher, single dad frank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-07
Updated: 2009-01-07
Packaged: 2019-06-21 10:53:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15556140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_etoile/pseuds/silver_etoile
Summary: Frank can't even cook mac and cheese. How can he possibly live up to being a father? Maybe the new preschool teacher can help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to maybe import some of my old stuff from LJ. Doubtful I'll get to all of them (there's like 300 okay). But some.

Frank swallowed nervously as he stared up at the building in front of him. The walls were a tan color and big windows on the second floor were filled with pieces of paper. The sky above was grey and threatened more rain than they’d already gotten in the past week.

“Okay,” he said out loud, his eyes moving to the front door that waited for him. His feet weren’t moving and his chewed on his lip ring as he stood there, willing himself to take that first step. “Everything’s going to be all right.”

“Come on, daddy.”

Frank looked down at the little girl who stood next to him, her hand clasped in his. Her big eyes, golden and green, stared up at him, and he forced a smile.

“Okay, let’s go,” he said finally, taking that first step forward and pulling open the heavy front door.  
Inside, the hallways were bright. Paintings of alphabet letters ran down the length of the corridor and finger painted pieces of paper hung outside of a door behind which Frank could hear a loud chatter of children.

He continued down the hall a ways until he reached a small secretary’s office where he paused at the door. The little girl beside him hesitated back when he did, looking all around the room.

“Can I help you?” the young woman at the front desk asked politely, smiling at the child half-hidden behind Frank.

“Uh, yeah, I had an appointment with Ms. Salpeter. I’m Frank.”

The girl skimmed her book and nodded. “Yes, she’s expecting you. Right through that door.” She pointed to another door leading off the office and Frank nodded.

“Thanks, uh…”

“Keltie,” the woman provided with a smile and Frank just nodded again, holding his little girl’s hand tighter as he walked to the door and knocked before pushing it open slightly.

The woman behind the desk glanced up as Frank entered cautiously. The pen in her hand paused above her paper and she watched him enter and then her eyes fell on the girl edging in after.

“Ms. Salpeter?” he asked nervously. “I’m Frank Iero. Um, I called earlier.”

The woman smiled brightly and rose from her desk. She was wearing a nice purple blouse and flowing skirt. Rounding the desk, she held out her hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Iero, and Greta will do just fine.”

“Oh, uh, sure,” Frank muttered and Greta smiled sweetly, then catching sight of the girl behind him, dropped down to her level.

“And you must be Sofia,” she greeted her nicely. “That’s a very pretty dress.”

Sofia fiddled with the hem of her blue dress. “Mommy picked it out.”

Greta glanced up at Frank, who met her eyes briefly before frowning down sadly at his daughter.

“Well, it’s lovely,” she continued. “Now, Sofia, how would you like to meet your teacher? Mr. Way is just upstairs.”

Sofia nodded slowly, her small hand tightening over Frank’s. Greta smiled again and rose, holding the door open for them.

“I’m glad you decided to bring Sofia here. I hope everything’s to your liking.”

“Uh, yeah,” Frank muttered, looking around at the brightly-colored walls and hearing the sound of children’s laughter leaking through walls as they climbed the stairs to the second floor. Sofia held to his hand tightly as they walked and he could swear his own nerves were leaking into her when Greta stopped at a bright blue door and turned to them.

“Don’t worry about her coming in in the middle of the year,” she assured Frank. “The children should warm to her fairly quickly.” Pausing, she dropped to Sofia’s level again. “I hear Mr. Way has a special project planned for Halloween,” she said in a low whisper, almost conspiratorially. “You’re lucky you came today.”

Sofia managed a smile back at Greta and Greta rose again. “Shall we?”

Frank’s shoulders jerked in a vague answer and Greta knocked on the door before turning the handle and opening it.

Inside, Frank was met with a burst of vivid colors and children. Four-year olds littered the room, some sitting on a carpet in a corner, books open in their laps while a young man with brown hair read to them, helping them through some of the words. Others were playing with blocks in another area while more still were in a plastic kitchen area. The tiny tables were covered with crayons and paper and a man Frank could swear would never fit in the tiny chair, was there, scribbling along with them.

“Gerard,” Greta called and the man at the table looked up.

His dark hair was wild and messy and Frank was surprised to see a sparkle of glitter in it as he rose from the table, leaving his drawing, and coming over to them at the door.

Standing in front of them, the man smiled at Frank and pushed down his sleeves over his arms that were covered in paint.

“Mr. Iero, this is Mr. Way. And in the corner is his assistant, Mr. Urie.”

Frank nodded, his hand still tight over Sofia’s, who looked up at him with a worried expression on her face.

“Hello,” Gerard greeted him, scratching his head and some more glitter cascaded down. Frank watched it drop to the floor and pulled his lip ring into his mouth. Gerard didn’t notice, though, and turned his attention to Sofia.

Frank blinked and realized he was supposed to be doing something. “This is Sofia,” he said and she looked up at Gerard carefully.

“Hi, Sofia,” Gerard said, crouching down to her level like everyone seemed to do. “I like your braid.”

Sofia turned shyly into Frank’s hand. “Daddy said a lot of bad words when he did it.”

Frank’s eyes widened but Gerard didn’t say anything, just looked up and smiled almost knowingly. Greta laughed but turned it into a cough when Frank glanced at her. She just gave him a fortifying smile.

Frank felt like an idiot but didn’t say anything as he crouched down to Sofia. “Hey, Sof, you think you can stay here? I’ll be back to pick you up at three-thirty, promise.”

Sofia’s eyes were searching but she nodded and Frank gave her a big hug. He wasn’t sure if _he_ could leave.

“Do you want to play in the kitchen area?” Gerard asked and Sofia looked over to where two other little girls were fighting over the cherry-patterned apron. She looked up at Frank again and he tried to nod encouragingly but he wasn’t sure it came out the right way. She nodded, though, at Gerard and he pointed the way.

Standing in the doorway, Frank watched her carefully join the girls already there. Beside him, Greta patted his arm. “Gerard, I have to get back to the office. Mr. Iero, I’m sure everything will be fine.”

Frank nodded, getting a tightening feeling in his stomach as she left down the stairs.

When he turned back, Gerard was still there, gazing at the kids for a minute before smiling at Frank. “She’s in capable hands,” he assured Frank. “She’ll fit in pretty well.”

Frank tugged on his lip ring again and sighed. It wasn’t as though he had a choice.

“Well, um, thanks, Mr. Way,” Frank said awkwardly, watching as Sofia picked up a plastic scrambled egg. “I’ll pick her up at three-thirty.”

Gerard nodded, watching Frank curiously for a minute. “I’ll see you at three-thirty then.”

Frank nodded again and forced himself to turn from the door. He heard it click shut as he left and didn’t stop walking until he was out in the parking lot.

The sky was still dark and a light sprinkling of rain had started. He ignored it as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one as he crossed to his dented car that sat under a dripping elm tree. Taking a long drag, he looked back to the second floor where cheerful colors winked down at him, overlooking the playground below.

Sighing, he threw the cigarette to the ground and opened the door to his car, slipping inside and turning on the engine.

*

“Just take a step back.”

Frank sighed as he looked over at Pete, who had interrupted himself in his cleaning to give Frank a little unwanted advice.

“Keep cleaning, Pete,” he just said but Pete ignored him.

“So you didn’t expect this to happen,” Pete continued. “And yeah, it shouldn’t have. But you can’t beat yourself up over it.”

“I’m not,” Frank grumbled, sliding off the stool. “Make sure the glasses are arranged by size this time.”

Pete sighed as Frank wandered away from the bar, looking for Bob and possibly some sanity.

It wasn’t opening time yet and the bar was dark due to the rain outside. The lights under the bar were on, blue and purple, hints of red in the dark corners of the room. The tables were still piled with chairs from the night before and Frank took down a few before slumping into one of them.

Bob, who was passing with a crate of beer bottles, paused as he came to Frank. Setting the crate on the table with loud clinking, he set his elbow on top and looked at Frank.

“What’s wrong?”

Frank looked up. “Nothing.”

“It was preschool day today, wasn’t it?” Bob asked knowingly and Frank sighed.

“I just don’t know what to do.”

Bob paused. “You’re just gonna have to deal with it. It’s not like you can change it.”

Frank didn’t like that answer, but knew it was the truth. Instead, he just groaned and put his head down on the table. “Tell Ray I called out sick.”

“You’re already here,” Bob answered, heaving the crate back up again and heading for the bar.

Frank only groaned again and didn’t raise his head until Ray arrived and shoved him into the back, saying that if he was going to bemoan his life, he might as well do it in the back where customers couldn’t see.

*

At three-thirty, Frank stood against his car, smoking another cigarette and pulling up the collar on his jacket to shield against the wind that had kicked up with the rain sometime in the middle of the day.

Other parents gave him somewhat strange looks as they arrived to pick up their kids and he remained outside, finishing his cigarette and tossing it away. Licking his lips, he took a breath and headed for the dreaded front door.

Inside, it was bright and cheery, warm and not windy. Parents hustled down the halls, already bundling up their children to go out in the dreary fall weather. Frank tried to avoid them as best he could as he made his way to the room downstairs where Greta said the children were taken after naptime.

It was a big room and more blocks were scattered in a corner and loud music played from a stereo on the windowsill. Some of the kids were dancing rather badly, but Frank looked around for the mess of dark curls that he’d grown to see every morning and every night.

“Daddy!” Sofia ran to him before he could even spot her and clung to his legs, smiling up at him.

“Hey, Sof,” he greeted her, crouching down for a hug. He fingered her hair sadly; the braid was coming out already. “How was it?”

She shrugged. “We drew pumpkins today and Mr. Way said he was going to put them up on the wall.”

“That’s nice,” he commented, glancing at Gerard, who was sitting sprawled the block corner, busy building a castle that the other kids added to. He didn’t see Frank looking at him, though, as the whole thing came tumbling down around him. “Ready to go?”

She nodded, grabbing his hand as he stood and turned towards the door. They gathered her things from upstairs – coat and lunchbox – and came back downstairs.

Frank only cast one glance back to the loud room before helping Sofia with her coat and opening the heavy door for her.

“Mr. Way said when it’s sunny we can go out to the playground.”

Frank glanced at the playground to their left as they left. There was a jungle gym, climbing bars, several bright slides, and a few benches. He just grunted and let her skip ahead to the car where she pulled open the door with difficulty and climbed inside.

“What do you want for dinner?” he asked when he got in the other side and made sure her seat buckle was on. “I was thinking macaroni and cheese.”

Sofia bounced a little as she looked out the window at the parking lot as they pulled out. “I don’t like macaroni and cheese.”

“Yes, you do,” he said, taking a right out of the lot. “It’s your favorite.”

“It tasted funny last time.”

Frank frowned as he remembered. Ray had laughed when he’d heard that Frank had burned macaroni and cheese. But it wasn’t Frank’s fault. Who knew water burned off if left too long?

“It’ll be fine,” he said, not mentioning that he didn’t have anything else in his cupboards, and certainly nothing that he could cook and not burn.

At his apartment, he let her in and hardly reprimanded her when she dropped her bag on the floor by the door. It wasn’t as though there was anywhere else to put it anyway.

Wading through the mess of pink, Frank headed for the kitchen, rummaging in the fridge and managing to come up with some animal crackers and chocolate milk for a snack which he gave to Sofia as she climbed onto the stool at the counter. He didn’t have a dining room table.

Watching her eat, Frank sighed. She seemed content to munch her cookies and drink her milk but he knew it was all just passing. Sometimes she was perfectly fine and other times he didn’t know how to console her.

When she was done, he let her go into the living room and turn on the TV. He tried to at least make sure it was on some “educational” show before he slipped into his bedroom, the only real room in the apartment. Leaning against the door, he sighed. He could hear the television through the door and Sofia’s laugh at something on the screen.

Gazing around his room, he found himself wishing he’d been more prepared. There hadn’t been any time, though. His eyes fell on a photograph on his dresser and he crossed to it, lifting it. A dark haired woman smiled at him in the frame and he paused only a minute before turning it face down and heading back to the living room.

“Hey,” he said once he settled in next to Sofia, who had the remote in her hands. It was nearly twice the size of her palm. “How about we watch a movie and then I’ll make dinner?”

Sofia looked up at him, her eyes a mottled green in the grey light coming in from outside. “Okay,” she agreed, sliding off the couch and rummaging in the pile of DVDs on the floor in front of the television.

Frank supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised when she came back with _Bambi_ and handed it to him. He’d always hated the movie, but he pressed it into the player and held Sofia close as the beginning credits started to roll.

*

Frank was late getting out of the house and came out still tugging on his jacket, his wallet in his mouth and only one shoe on. Hopping around, he tried to pull on the shoe but only ended up falling into the wall. Shoving his wallet in his back pocket, he ran a frustrated hand through his hair and looked around, sure he was missing something.

“Oh, shit,” he cursed, scrambling back to the door and pushing it open. “Sofia!”

The little girl appeared in the door to the bathroom, her toothbrush still in hand. Frank hurried inside, putting the toothbrush back.

“Come on, we’re late,” he said, grabbing her bag and her jacket.

“But mommy always says I have to brush my teeth in the morning,” Sofia protested when Frank swept her to the door.

“Yeah, well.” Frank searched for a good response but couldn’t come up with anything. “We’re late.”

Sofia didn’t fight him, for which he was glad, as he got her out of the cramped apartment and downstairs to the car. He didn’t even have time for his usual cigarette as he drove to the preschool.

The rain from the day before had stopped but the sky was still dark. When he arrived, he saw children outside in the playground and he took a minute before he got out of the car and helped Sofia with her seatbelt.

She jumped out of the car, swinging her tiny pink backpack and watching Frank, who stuffed his hands in his pockets and started towards the playground. She hurried to keep up with him, hanging onto the edge of his jacket as they entered the gate to the playground.

“You want to go play?” Frank asked her, looking over at the kids climbing all over the equipment. Sofia cast him another look before releasing his jacket slowly and wandering over to the same girls as the day before. They seemed to greet her nicely, though, and Frank felt a little better.

When he turned, he nearly jumped to find Gerard behind him, his hands stuffed in the pockets of a black leather jacket and paint stains on his face. Frank didn’t really want to know how they got there.

“Morning, Mr. Way,” he just muttered. “Um.”

Gerard watched Frank for a minute. “Good morning. How are you this morning?”

“Late,” Frank muttered, kicking the bark chips and watching them scatter before him. Gerard arched an eyebrow but tactfully didn’t say anything. Frank realized he was being rude and looked up, forcing a smile. “I should really get going.”

Gerard nodded. “All right. See you this afternoon.”

Frank nodded and cast a glance over a Sofia where she appeared to be in deep conversation with Mr. Urie, the assistant. Sighing slightly, he kicked the ground again and turned, leaving through the gate and missing Gerard’s continued eyes on his back.

*

“Preschool not going so good, eh?” Gabe asked, plunking down in the chair next to Frank and Frank groaned. “What? Did you not learn your ABCs? I’m sure they can teach you.”

“Go away, Gabe,” Frank pleaded, not in the mood to hear Gabe’s particular brand of cheering up.

“I could teach you in Spanish,” he offered. “Then you’d be bilingual.”

“Gabe,” Frank said seriously, lifting his head from his arms and giving him a look. “Go teach William Spanish or something.”

Gabe just smirked. “Oh, I am.”

Frank didn’t even groan, just shooed Gabe away and retreated to the bar. Pete was down at the other end, thankfully, and Bob was putting away beer bottles into the fridge. He looked up, though, as Frank took the stool.

“Give me a beer,” he said. “Any beer, a really strong one.”

“No drinking on the job,” Bob grunted. “Besides, you’re the manager. You could just take one.”

Frank sighed and glanced around the bar. It was still a few hours until opening and technically he was supposed to work until eight at night, but he just couldn’t anymore. He’d been coming in earlier to make up the time, but since they didn’t open until around five in the evening, it was fairly useless.

“I think I made a mistake,” he said instead, sinking down onto his hands and listening to Bob’s clinking bottles.

“No, you didn’t,” Bob replied simply. “You’re doing the best you can, so just relax.”

Frank just shook his head into his arms. “If Gabe comes back with Spanish flashcards, punch him for me, will you?”

“Will do.”

*

The sun was peeking through the clouds when Frank pulled into the parking lot and stepped out of his car. He didn’t make for the school immediately, seeing the kids outside again and running all over the playground. Instead, he leaned back against his car and pulled out a cigarette. He was trying to quit, really, but so far all he’d been able to do was stop smoking inside.

As he leaned against his car, he earned a few more strange glances from parents as they shuttled their kids past to huge minivans and tiny sports cars. His own car was small and beat-up with dings in the doors, a big scrape in the back from where he’d backed into a pole one time in high school, dirt smeared over the wheel wells. It had been white once upon a time but now was a sort of brownish-grey.

When he finished the cigarette, he flicked it away and braced himself. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he made his way towards the playground, sniffing in the cold air.

He was greeted immediately by Mr. Urie at the gate, who gave him a bright smile.

“Afternoon, Mr. Iero,” he said happily.

“Er, hi, Mr. Urie,” he replied slowly.

“Call me Brendon,” he said. “Hey, so Sofia is a pretty awesome kid. She made this crazy drawing today of an octopus and it had, like, ten legs.”

Frank’s stomach clenched at Brendon’s words and was glad when Gerard appeared at his shoulder.

“Hey, Brendon, why don’t you go get the snacks? Ask one of the kids to help you.”

“Okay!” Brendon said brightly, smiling at Frank before turning and shouting to the kids. “Who wants to help get snacks?”

A chorus of “me!” met his question and he was quickly encircled by a bunch of small children, all clambering for the privilege to carry fruit snacks.

Frank let out a small sigh and turned to find Gerard looking at him seriously.

“Yeah?” he asked after a minute and Gerard quirked a smile.

“I’d like to talk to you for a minute,” he said, “if that’s okay.”

“Um, sure,” Frank agreed. “Is it about Sofia?”

Gerard paused. “How about we go inside where it’s warmer?”

Frank had a momentary flashback of being sent to the principal’s office when Gerard headed for the front door and held it open for him. Forcing himself to walk, he went inside and swallowed when the door closed with a loud thump behind him. They walked up to Gerard’s room in silence and Frank shoved his hands deep in his pockets, wishing he had a cigarette.

His eyes lingered over Sofia’s bag as he passed inside and remembered her plea that she wanted a blue bag instead of pink.

Gerard came in after him and Frank didn’t look at him. Instead, he busied himself by taking in the room.

The books were put away neatly now and the tiny chairs stood on top of the tables. The blocks were on their shelf and only an odd toy car lay on the rug. Frank thought he saw a sparkle of glitter when Gerard turned to him and leaned against his big cupboard which was full of paper, lesson plans, art projects.

“Mr. Iero,” he started and Frank interrupted him.

“Just Frank, please.” He hated being called Mr. Iero like he was older than twenty-five. “Is this about Sofia?” he asked again and Gerard paused.

“There was sort of an incident today,” he said finally and Frank groaned, biting his lip ring and twirling it with his tongue.

“Was she fighting?” he asked. “Did she hit someone? Did she have a tantrum? I swear, they just come and go and—”

“No,” Gerard interrupted him and Frank took a breath, feeling his stomach clenching nervously. He just didn’t want to fuck this up. “It, well, it wasn’t anything big, it’s just, it seemed odd and I wanted to talk to you about it.”

“Oh.” Frank shifted, keeping his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. “What happened?”

“Well, we were drawing today and one of the other kids took her crayon and she got upset.”

Frank opened his mouth but Gerard cut him off.

“It isn’t a big deal. Happens all the time, but how she reacted… It took a while to get her to stop crying and when I asked her why all she would say was that blue was her mom’s favorite color. She refused to use any other color.” Gerard was looking at Frank as though he had the answer and Frank felt the familiar tremble in his body that always came when he started thinking about it.

“Fuck,” he whispered and then his eyes widened. “Oh, shit, I’m sorry. Damn it!” He winced at his own faults and just settled for cursing himself under his breath.

Gerard didn’t seem too fazed by it and waited until Frank had composed himself and just sighed into the empty classroom.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” he said finally. “Jamia was always supposed to be there.”

“That’s her mother?” Gerard guessed and Frank nodded slowly.

“Yeah. She, uh, she died last month.”

“I’m sorry.”

Frank shrugged. There wasn’t anything any one could say to make it better anymore.

“I just, I don’t think Sofia understands. I don’t think she gets why mommy can’t come pick her up from my house after a few hours. She doesn’t get why she has to sleep in my living room and doesn’t have her favorite bear because I can’t find it in any of the boxes.”

Gerard was quiet as Frank talked. Frank pulled his lip ring into his mouth again and leaned back against the counter.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen, you know?” he asked after a minute. “Jamia, she wanted to have a kid. I’m just the guy who jerked off into a cup and then showed up at the hospital for the birth. I was supposed to be the cool weekend dad, you know? Not the guy who can’t even make macaroni and cheese.” He sighed loudly and looked down at his scuffed shoes. “And it’s not Sofia’s fault. I’m just useless. I love her and she’s mine, but she wasn’t supposed to _be mine_.” He laughed self-depreciatingly. “Isn’t that a completely horrible, selfish thing to say?”

“No,” Gerard answered honestly and Frank glanced up at him.

“We had a plan,” he said insistently. “Sofia was Jamia’s dream and I was just the guy who made it happen.”

“I think you’re doing pretty well,” Gerard offered and Frank scoffed.

“Look at me,” he said, stepping back and spreading his arms. His lip and nose rings were in and the scorpion tattoo was visible on his neck. He had more tattoos but they weren’t visible beneath his jacket. “Do I look like the kind of guy who should be wiping her nose and braiding her hair? I don’t even know how to braid. Braiding is like some innate female trait. I can barely tie my own shoes let alone braid anything.”

He could feel the emotions welling up in him, the ones he tried to hide from Sofia, to make her believe that he was strong.

Jamia had been his best friend since high school. They’d gone to college together and moved to the same town. When she’d asked him if he would father a child for her, he’d hardly hesitated to say yes. He’d never imagined that she would die and he’d be left with a four-year old to take care of.

Gerard’s hand moved to his shoulder and Frank looked up sharply. Gerard had glitter in his hair and some stuck to his cheek. It was clear glitter but Frank could see it shimmer when he moved.

“I think you’re doing fine,” he said seriously. “Sofia loves you.”

Frank laughed once and then shook his head. “She doesn’t know better.”

Gerard gave him a sad smile. “All you can do is try.”

Frank nodded, biting his lip again. “Yeah. I’ll, uh, talk to her about the crayon.”

Gerard bobbed his head and dropped his hand. Frank ignored the way the warmth seemed gone afterwards and cleared his throat.

“I should go get her,” he muttered instead. “Maybe attempt not to burn the pizza this time.”

Gerard laughed and Frank felt a little better when he left the room and headed back out to the playground.

*

Frank was exhausted and it was only eight at night. Another Disney movie was playing on the television and the remains of the frozen pizza sat on the coffee table. Sofia was asleep next to him, her head curled up against his thigh and he was watching her more than the TV.

He could barely see the television over the mounds of cardboard boxes that were piled on the coffee table anyway. He really needed to unpack things, but there was no place to put them. It wasn’t as though he’d ever expected to have Sofia over for longer than a few hours, maybe overnight, but that was what the couch was for.

Thinking back on it, Frank realized he was probably the worst part-time dad ever. Even the bad ones had a bed for their kids to sleep on. Or they just didn’t see them at all.

He wondered how Jamia had done it. She’d never called him for help, never asked him to drop what he was doing to come take care of Sofia. She must have been superwoman, he concluded.

He needed to clean, he thought, looking around at the messy living room, the corner where Sofia’s bed had been shoved, surrounded by a fortress of boxes, pink blankets falling everywhere although Sofia insisted she wanted everything blue now.

Sighing, he couldn’t bring himself to get up from the couch. He’d been busy since getting home, giving Sofia a bath and trying to untangle her hair, doing laundry, making dinner and nearly burning an _already-cooked_ pizza. He couldn’t believe he was so inept at _everything_. He felt like calling his own mother and just apologizing for how hard it must have been with him as a son.

Instead of doing one of the millions of things he had to do, Frank just closed his eyes and slid down on the couch, yawning and turning down the TV. It wasn’t long before he fell asleep pressed against his daughter, her tiny hand curled around his arm.

*

“Do you sleep anymore?”

Frank blinked as he raised his head from his hands and stared at the cup of coffee now sitting in front of him. It had definitely not been there when he’d put his head down.

Ray was sitting across his desk from him and waiting for his response.

“Yes,” Frank responded, dragging the cup towards him and taking a fortifying sip. “It’s just hard.”

Ray paused and then leaned forward. “I know you didn’t plan this, Frank, but maybe you should take a break, you know, figure things out.”

“What’s there to figure out?” Frank asked, _aside from how the hell I can set my oven to not burn anything_ , he added silently.

“It’s a lot to handle.” Ray shrugged. “A new kid, all this adjustment.”

Frank frowned, looking up at him. “I’m not gonna take time off.” He couldn’t, especially now. Raising a kid was expensive, he’d found out.

“I’ll give it to you,” Ray offered. “Paid leave. Just take a week or two, figure out what’s going on and how to handle it.”

Frank shook his head. “That’s not gonna help me figure out how I’m supposed to work late at night with a kid now.”

Ray sighed and Frank knew he was being difficult, but he was positive that taking time off would do nothing more than give him limitless time to relive his failures as a parent.

“Look,” Frank said finally. “I know it sucks. My life sucks, but I can’t take time off. I can’t have that much time to myself. I’ll go crazy.”

Ray looked him over for a minute and then sighed. “Fine, you don’t have to, but slow down a little. Sleep more.”

“I’ll work on it,” Frank promised and Ray just glanced away.

*

“I don’t want pink blankets!” Sofia threw down her blanket violently on the ground and glared up at Frank, her eyes dark with anger and her cheeks red. “I want blue!”

Frank sighed. “We don’t have any blue.”

“But I want blue!” Sofia yelled. “Blue! Blue! Blue!”

“Sofia, you have to be quiet. We’re not the only ones in this apartment.”

“Blue!” she yelled, her cheeks reddening as she got louder. Frank could see she was on the verge of breaking completely as she stamped her feet.

“Sof, you have pink. There’s nothing wrong with pink. I like pink,” he said, his tone pleading. He still hadn’t figured out how to talk her down from these.

“I don’t want pink!” she screamed and she started crying in her anger, hiccupping and falling to the floor, pounding it with her small fists. “I want blue! Mommy had blue!”

Her tears were stronger and her words were less clear as she screamed and yelled. Frank stood helplessly above her, desperately wishing for any sort of miracle that wanted to help him in the moment.

“Sofia,” he said sadly, dropping to the floor as she cried big tears into the carpet. He didn’t know what to say and so just settled for rubbing her back calmingly as she sobbed and hiccupped into the rug. If he had been anything other than what he was, he might have joined her.

*

On Halloween, Frank woke up still tired from the night before. His head was pounding and he hoped to God that he wasn’t getting sick, especially not on his birthday.

Rolling out of bed, he stumbled to his dresser, pulling out clean clothes and changing. When he got out to the living room, he saw that Sofia was still asleep. He’d tucked her into bed the night before still in her day clothes with only her shoes lying in a jumbled pile at the foot of the bed. Moving over to her, he shook her shoulder gently.

“Sof, Sofia, it’s time to wake up,” he murmured and she stirred slightly, blinking in the light as she opened her eyes.

Yawning, she sat up and rubbed her eyes. Frank smiled a little and turned to one of the boxes that held her clothes. Riffling through it, he realized something. It was Halloween. And on Halloween, little kids dressed up in costumes. Shit.

Glancing back at Sofia in her bed, he paused. “What do you want to wear today?” he asked and she blinked at him.

“It’s Halloween, daddy.”

Yeah, he knew. “Yeah,” he agreed uneasily. Just one more thing to add to the column of Worst Dad Ever. “Here, I’ll get you some breakfast.”

While Sofia was happily eating her cereal, Frank returned to the living room, digging frantically through boxes for anything that might remotely resemble a Halloween costume. He came across a lot of pink things, but after remembering the night before, tossed them aside.

He was silently panicking as he stood in his living room, thinking that he couldn’t even wait until his child was five years old to disappoint her. Rubbing his face, he sighed into his hand and decided he was just going to have to face the truth; he was a horrible parent and she should know it now rather than later.

Sighing, he went to the front door to pick up the paper and was surprised to find a box on his doorstep. Bringing it inside, he checked that Sofia was still busy eating before he pulled off the top.

His mouth fell open as he pulled out a tiny princess dress, blue, with a sparkly magic wand. A note fluttered out and he snatched it off the floor.

 _We knew you’d forget_ , it read. _So we all pitched in. Victoria did the sewing. Tell Sofia happy Halloween for us, and don’t thank us, just get some sleep._

Frank just stared, unable to believe it. He never would have expected this from the people at work, but he supposed, what with how scatterbrained he was usually and then adding in all the things that had happened lately, it would have been safe to assume he would forget something as important as this.

“Hey, Sofia,” he said slyly, sneaking into the kitchen, the dress behind his back. She stopped eating, the spoon big in her hand as it rested against the ceramic bowl. “I have a surprise for you.”

Her eyes widened as he pulled out the dress and the wand. Squealing, she jumped off the stool and made a beeline for him, hugging him around the knees and then grabbing the dress.

“See, you’re a princess,” he said, stroking down her dark hair as she grinned and waved the wand a little.

“I love you, daddy!” she cried and then she was hugging him again and he could swear his heart skipped a beat.

*

At school, Frank couldn’t resist having his usual cigarette. Sofia said he smelled funny when he did, but he just couldn’t kick the habit quite yet. He still received strange looks from the other parents, but he tried his best to ignore them. Sofia was bouncing around him in her costume, waving her wand and turning him into a frog every other minute.

“So am I a human or a frog?” he asked once he flicked away his cigarette.

“You’re a prince,” she declared and he grinned, bending down and pressing his nose to her cheek. She giggled, pushing at him as he tickled her stomach.

“A handsome prince?” he asked as she shrieked under his fingers.

“Yes, yes!” she cried and he stopped tickling her, straightening up and heading towards the playground. She didn’t grab his hand anymore but skipped on ahead, eager to show her costume to her classmates.

Inside the gate, he still felt awkward and watched as she ran off to her friends. He was glad she was making friends at least.

Gerard saw him and came over to him a few moments after he’d entered. Brendon was halfway across the playground, hanging upside down on the climbing structure while other kids climbed all over him. His costume appeared to be that of a dinosaur, complete with mask and fake claws.

“Happy Halloween,” he said and Frank nodded, a smile gracing his features.

“To you too.”

“That’s a nice costume,” Gerard commented as he watched Sofia run around with her wand, turning more people into frogs.

“Um, yeah,” Frank muttered, that feeling of uselessness coming over him again. He kicked the bark chips as Gerard gave him a questioning look. “I kind of forgot it was Halloween.”

“Halloween is my favorite holiday,” Gerard just said, ignoring Frank’s obvious awkwardness about the situation.

“Mine too,” Frank said earnestly. “I mean, it’s my birthday, it’s just, things have been so crazy.”

Gerard stopped and looked at Frank. “Well, happy birthday.”

“Thanks.” Frank kicked the ground again, wondering why he felt so awkward around Sofia’s teacher. Glancing over, he saw that Gerard had paint on his hands again and he wondered how that was even possible first thing in the morning.

Gerard seemed to feel him looking, though, and caught his eyes. “Are you staying for the parade?”

“The what?” Frank asked blankly.

“We always have like a little parade for the parents so they can take picture of the costumes.”

“Pictures,” Frank breathed. “Shit.” He got a few dirty looks from some of the parents for that and bit his lip. “I mean, darn.”

Gerard looked like he was trying not to laugh. Frank felt more and more stupid as the time went by.

“I don’t even know where my camera is,” he admitted, sighing and stuffing his hands in his pocket, all the happiness from that morning draining out of him.

“No one expects you to be perfect, Frank,” Gerard said after a moment and Frank looked up at him. The glitter was pink this time as it sparkled in his hair and Frank wondered about it again but didn’t ask as Brendon bounced over.

“Hey, Mr. Iero! You staying for the parade? Sofia’s costume is super awesome. Kudos. She loves it. Apparently I’ve been turned into a frog, but I hear if I’m good, I can become a prince.” Brendon grinned and Frank could barely see it through the dinosaur head.

“I don’t know if I’m staying,” he said reluctantly. “I have to get to work.”

“Come on,” Brendon insisted and Frank hesitated, glancing at Gerard, who just shrugged.

“Well, I guess I could stay for a little while.”

“Awesome!” Brendon cried. “It’s going to be great.” Then he bounced off elsewhere, pretend-scaring a few of the three year old dressed as pumpkins.

“It’s almost like having another four year old sometimes,” Gerard said once Brendon was across the playground. “Except one with better motor skills and who won’t cry if Tommy takes his toy truck.”

Frank actually laughed and Gerard caught his eyes with a smile. He stopped, though, and the strange flip to his stomach. Gerard didn’t notice, though, and turned back to the playground with a sigh.

“Any big plans for tonight, since it’s your birthday and all?” he asked, his eyes surveying the children while the other teachers and parents talked together.

“I hadn’t really thought about it,” Frank answered after a minute of frowning at his stomach. “I guess I should take Sofia out trick-or-treating or something…”

He’d never really considered holidays, but he’d only had the kid for a little over a month.

“They have a family-friendly fun house over at the church on Elm Street.”

Frank cringed at the words ‘family friendly’ but he knew that was his life now. No more horror flick marathons until dawn or pretending to be a vampire with Jamia. He was resolved to Disney movies and spaghetti brains.

“Not your scene?” Gerard asked, smiling after seeing Frank’s reaction.

“I’d much rather be watching all the Saw movies and pretending the fourth one didn’t exist.”

“I think there’s an argument to be made for the fourth one, actually,” Gerard said and Frank glanced over, surprised.

“You watch horror movies?”

Gerard shrugged, but he had a small smile on his face. “When I can.”

“I watch them all the time,” Frank said eagerly, excited to find someone who he might actually be able to talk to about them. Jamia would watch them with him but she never really understood his fascination with them. “Or, well, I did.” He deflated slightly, remembering. “Now it’s more _Robin Hood_ and _Cinderella_.”

“Both good movies,” Gerard said reassuringly and Frank caught his smile.

“I suppose,” he admitted. “I just wish there was a little more blood in _Peter Pan_ , you know?”

Gerard laughed and Frank found himself watching him for another minute before tearing his eyes away and back to the playground.

*

“Happy birthday, Frankie!”

Frank was shocked and stood rooted to the floor when he walked into the bar, an hour late, but he had called ahead.

The whole staff was there, hours early, with a birthday cake. Gabe even had one of those obnoxious noise makers that he blew into the side of Frank’s head when he just stood in the doorway.

“You—” he tried to say but nothing came out.

“Yes, we did,” Ray said, coming up to Frank and dragging him forward. Pete was already begging Victoria to cut the cake, but she ignored him.

“You guys are amazing,” he finally choked out and Gabe let out an over-dramatic, “Awww.”

“Shut up,” Bob said, pushing Gabe, who stumbled sideways and ran into William. He didn’t look too angry, though, only threw an arm over William’s shoulders and leaned against him.

“I can’t believe you guys,” Frank just said, staring at Ray, who just shrugged.

“We figured you’d need something after the way things have been going.”

Frank just stared, unable to come up with words that would express his gratitude.

“I fucking love you guys,” was all he managed before he hugged Ray tightly and Victoria laughed.

“Can we cut the cake now?” Pete asked eagerly and Victoria pushed his hand away from the knife.

“You’ll cut yourself,” she scolded and Pete pouted.

“Fraaank,” he whined. “Vicky won’t let me have cake.”

Frank grinned as he pulled away from Ray and turned to the cake sitting on the table. “Well, let them eat cake.”


	2. Chapter 2

Things seemed to get a little better after Halloween. There were no more tantrums about blue blankets and Frank was relieved that he didn’t have to re-buy everything Sofia owned just in a different color.

She was still sleeping in her corner of the living room and Frank was getting more and more worried that she would notice. The boxes were still piled on every surface and the teddy bear still wasn’t found. He’d managed to substitute it with a blue bunny, but he knew it was only a matter of time until something triggered another tantrum and the bear would be once again in demand.

Frank was just relieved that she didn't seem to hate him.

She seemed to like her school and was always talking about Mr. Way and Mr. Urie. Mr. Urie was really funny and always played pretend with her. Last week he was the monster in the moat stopping them from getting to the castle and this week he was the ten-legged blue octopus.

Frank bit his lip when he heard that as his mind immediately shot to Jamia. She’d worked at the local aquarium as the cephalopod expert. He knew she used to take Sofia along all the time and show her the red octopus they had living there. He used to go there with them sometimes and hold Sofia up as she reached into the tank and touched the tentacles.

Frank listened to all her stories about school and let her go on play dates with her friends, although he tried to avoid having other kids over, and when it came the unfortunate time to be his turn, he just suggested going to a park instead of having to explain the sorry state of his apartment.

At school, he dropped her off every morning with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He would talk to Gerard sometimes and ignored the stupid flipping of his stomach whenever Gerard would smile at something he said. He told himself the last thing he needed was to fall for his kid’s preschool teacher. Nothing could be more inappropriate.

He still hadn’t figured out how to work late and still be there for Sofia. He hired a few baby sitters a few nights but it was kind of expensive for a seventeen year old girl to crash on his sofa and play Candyland for a couple hours. But he couldn’t keep working early. For one, he’d rather not get up before the sun and there was never anything to do aside from paper work at nine in the morning. At nights, it was best, when the bar was open and a band was playing, loud music thudding through the bar while people did body shots and cheered drunkenly at the singers.

Frank desperately missed that but having a kid meant early to bed, early to rise, and no alcohol after eight.

Ray said he was trying too hard to be the perfect father and Frank merely snorted. He was nowhere near the perfect father, as was evident in every burned dinner, every off-kilter braid, every backwards dress.

Frank gave up trying to be perfect. He would settle for not-horrible if he could get it.

His only solution to the problem of no baby-sitter and being sick of going to work in the morning was to bring Sofia to the bar. He was sure she wasn’t actually allowed to be there, being seventeen years underage, but he figured the chances of her drinking were slim to none unless Gabe got some stupid idea about giving liquor to a four year old.

Sofia seemed to enjoy the bar, sitting on the tall stool while Pete made up stories of castles and princes and daring deeds. She laughed at his faces and retold the stories to Frank every night on the way home.

“You seem to be doing better,” Ray said as Frank sat at a table close to the bar, watching Sofia giggle at Pete’s monster face. He appeared to be dying on the counter.

Frank shrugged. “It’s a little easier, I guess. I think she likes me.”

Ray laughed and patted him on the back. “She loves you.”

Sighing, Frank propped his hands up and glanced at the band on stage. “Who’s the band tonight?”

Ray rolled his eyes. “You should know. You booked them.”

“Yeah, like three months ago,” Frank scoffed. “I can’t even remember what socks I put on this morning.”

Ray glanced down. “Dude, they’re pink.”

“Shut up,” Frank said then glanced down. “Shit.”

Ray only laughed while Frank pouted.

“It’s not my fault,” he complained. “I can’t find anything in my apartment anymore. It’s like a cardboard box graveyard.”

“Maybe you should move,” Ray suggested seriously.

Frank paused. “Move?”

“Yeah, like to a bigger apartment, or you know, maybe even think about buying a house.”

Frank turned and gave him a sly look. “Is this your subtle way of saying I’m getting a raise?”

Ray laughed and shook his head. “Keep on dreamin’, Frankie.”

Sighing, Frank checked on Sofia quickly before looking at the band again. Four guys were puttering around on-stage, setting up amps and testing mics. The drummer was standing close to the bassist and muttering something in his ear while the other guitarist tapped a mic and tweaked his guitar.

Frank paused a moment, making sure Sofia was in good hands – Pete was now acting out the scene in which the prince and princess were reunited – and then made his way over to the stage to introduce himself.

“Hey,” he greeted the guy with the guitar. “I’m Frank, the manager.”

“Ryan,” the guy said, taking Frank’s hand as he offered it. “That’s Jon and Spencer.” He nodded at the bassist and drummer, who nodded back. “And Alex.” He nodded at the singer who just bobbed his head back.

“Nice to meet you guys,” Frank responded, taking them in. He noticed the way Spencer whispered something in Jon’s ear and Jon’s smile was slow in response, but he turned and whispered something back, his lips close to Spencer’s ear.

Ryan and Alex just ignored them, fiddling with the mics again.

“Just let me know if you need something,” Frank said instead and Ryan looked up.

“Sure, thanks.”

Frank nodded and was about to turn away when Ryan made a noise.

“Whose kid is that? Are little kids allowed to be in bars?”

“She’s mine,” Frank replied, feeling a strange surge of possession at the words. “And, uh, I don’t know if she’s allowed but fuck if I’m gonna kick her out.” He grinned at Ryan, who smiled back.

“It’s just funny,” Ryan said and Frank quirked an eyebrow. “My, uh, my boyfriend works at a preschool.”

Frank just nodded, not really knowing what to say. “Well, okay. I’ll let you guys finish setting up. You go on at seven.”

He turned then and made his way back to the bar, slipping into the seat next to Sofia. She was giggling at something Pete said and Pete winked at Frank.

“So promise me you won’t marry anyone else,” he told Sofia seriously and she just giggled.

“Daddy,” she said, tugging at his tee shirt sleeve. “Me and Pete are engaged.”

“Really?” Frank asked, shooting a look at Pete, who shrugged.

“I can’t help that I’m irresistible.”

“To four year olds,” Bob added as he walked behind Pete with more bottles of beer. Pete just scowled and turned back to Sofia.

“But I have pledged my heart to the lovely Sofia and I will love her forever and ever.”

“If you break my little girl’s heart,” Frank threatened while Sofia fell over herself laughing. “I will hunt you down and they’ll never find your body.”

“On my honor,” Pete promised, holding a hand to his chest.

“Your heart’s on the other side,” Bob pointed out on his way back but Pete didn’t bother changing hands and tactfully ignored him.

Laughing, Frank rolled his eyes. Sofia was having fun and that was all that mattered.

Victoria came over moments later, pushing Pete away to help some of the early customers down at the other end of the bar. Leaning over the counter, she placed a finger on Sofia’s nose.

“You are just as cute as a button,” she said and Sofia blushed a little. “I bet your daddy feels ashamed to walk beside you, you’re so pretty.”

Frank sent Victoria a look but she just smiled sweetly back.

“Daddy walks with me to the park,” Sofia replied.

“And so he should, but I don’t think he’ll ever get a date if someone has to compete with you.”

Sofia grinned, twisting around in her chair. “Daddy doesn’t like girls. Mommy told me so.”

Frank’s eyes widened and Victoria laughed.

“You’ve got a smart one on your hands, Frank. You’re going to have to be careful.”

Frank just laughed, a little embarrassed that Sofia had picked up on that so quickly. He supposed Jamia must have said something to explain why they weren’t married and why Frank lived in a different apartment. The truth must have been the best.

“Okay, Sof, you want to go color in the back?”

Sofia nodded and let Victoria give her a hug and promise to tell her a story later before Frank helped her off the tall stool and led her back to his office. He tried to keep her out of the bar when the band started and the customers started getting rowdy. He’d bought a small television and set it up in the back for her to watch movies.

He settled her in his too-big desk chair with a supply of paper and crayons and lingered in the door, glancing alternately between her and the bar.

It was almost seven and he watched as Ryan finished the set-up. Alex was doing some sort of vocal warm-up and Spencer and Jon were standing close together again. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that something was going on there, but Frank ignored it.

He watched Ryan, instead, as he said something to Alex, but his attention was distracted a moment later by someone at the foot of the stage. Ryan’s face lit up and he jumped down to whoever it was, greeting them with a kiss and words whispered in the bar.

Frank glanced back at Sofia, who was still coloring intently, and then peered around the tables at Ryan again. He was still talking to whoever it was. Frank shrugged to himself and leant against the doorframe.

Pete and Victoria were both busy at the bar and William weaved between the tables with drinks on a platter. Gabe was at the front door, supposedly watching the people who came in, but Frank had a feeling he was more interested in watching William bend over to put drinks on tables.

The band was nearly done setting up and Frank watched Ryan pull away from whoever it was on the ground and head back towards the stage, but he was stopped and the person stepped into Frank’s view.

Frank blinked as he stared. Thinking quickly, he glanced back at Sofia.

“Hey, Sof, I’ll be right back, okay?” he said and her only response was a short nod, focused on her drawing.

Hesitating a second, he left the door and made his way towards the stage.

Ryan saw him first and smiled. “Hey, Frank,” he greeted him. “This is my boyfriend, Brendon.”

Brendon turned around and Frank saw him freeze as he caught sight of him.

“Mr. Iero,” he said, his voice hushed and Ryan sent him a careful glance.

“Brendon,” Frank said slowly, looking between the two, and Brendon immediately pulled away from Ryan.

“I, um, what are you doing here?” Brendon looked scared and wasn’t looking at Ryan anymore despite Ryan’s questioning gaze.

“I’m the manager here,” Frank replied and Brendon nodded.

“Oh. That’s nice,” he managed. “I was just…”

“I have to get back to work,” Frank said quickly, sensing Brendon’s panic. He pointed uselessly at the bar and turned, leaving before Brendon could have a nervous breakdown. By the time he reached the bar, Brendon was gone and Ryan was climbing on stage.

*

Early mornings were still not Frank’s thing even after two months. He stumbled out of bed, hitting his toe on his dresser as he went to get dressed. By the time he made it out to the living room, he’d hit his toe again on the tub and ran into the sharp corner of the counter.

He snapped at Sofia when she wanted to bring her magic wand to school and almost didn’t feel bad for the way her face scrunched up and how her lip trembled. Surly, he shoved a lunch together, consisting of string cheese, an apple, and a carton of milk.

His side was hurting by the time they made it to school. Sofia was still sniffling quietly but Frank didn’t have the energy to make it better. Everything was just getting to him. He wondered if he was getting sick too. He supposed he should have expected it, what with being around kids all the time now.

So limping slightly, he walked with Sofia to the playground. She didn’t hug him as she left into the playground.

His fingers itched for a cigarette but he settled for leaning against the chain link fence and poking his stomach gingerly where a bruise from the counter was already rising.

He was surprised when Brendon came up to him a few minutes later, wringing his hands and looking altogether nervous as he crept towards him.

“Mr. Iero?” he asked cautiously and Frank forced himself to stand upright, wincing at the bruise and his stubbed toe.

“Hi, Brendon,” he just said, thinking longingly of his bed at home where he could be sleeping away a few more hours before work.

“Can I talk to you?” Brendon asked, looking worried when Frank just sighed and nodded.

“Sure.”

Glancing around, Brendon stepped forward and lowered his voice so as not to be overheard by the parents and other teachers.

“About last night,” he started nervously. “I don’t want you to think that I let my lifestyle choices affect my teaching, because they don’t. I care about the kids and I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. I know there are a lot of stereotypes out there about… me, or, people like me, and I-I don’t want you to think that I am one.”

“What are you talking about?” Frank asked after a minute. He was starting to feel sick from all the pain in his body and the faster he got out of there, the better.

Brendon lowered his voice even more and cast a careful glance around for eavesdroppers.

“My relationship with Ryan,” he practically whispered. “It doesn’t affect my teaching or interaction with the kids, I assure you.”

Frank blinked at Brendon. “Um, I don’t care,” he said finally. “You can do whatever you want with whoever you want. I’m not gonna judge you.”

Brendon looked shocked and jerked back.

“Oh,” was all he said.

Frank laughed for a second but it hurt, so he stopped. “Seriously, Brendon, you don’t have to worry about me. I won’t tell anyone if you’re worried. No one has to know your secret. Not even Mr. Way.”

“Oh, he already knows,” Brendon said dismissively.

Frank nodded, glancing over to where Gerard was crouched down, talking with a little boy, one from Sofia’s class.

“Good then,” Frank said, for lack of anything else to say. Brendon looked a lot happier now. “Yeah, it’s fine. It’d be a little hypocritical of me anyway.”

Brendon’s eyes lit up but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he just smiled and turned back to the playground.

“You know, Sofia really smart,” he said instead. “You should think about having her tested.”

“Like scientific testing?” Frank asked, his mind flashing to all the horror movies he’d ever watched like that.

Brendon laughed. “No, like intelligence testing.”

“Oh.” Frank paused. “Yeah, maybe. Listen, I have to go. I’ll pick her up at three-thirty, okay?”

“Okay,” Brendon agreed happily. “Have a good day!”

Frank just nodded and retreated from the playground, glancing back to find Sofia watching him leave from on top of the play structure.

*

Frank’s injuries – and yes, he called them injuries – seemed to be just the beginning of his problems. It wasn’t long after the bruise had started turning green that Sofia came home from preschool coughing and sneezing. Frank had a mild freak-out session when he thought she might be dying.

The doctor hadn’t seemed a bit shaken when Frank had rushed her there. Turned out it was just a case of the flu and she had to stay home until it was gone.

Unfortunately for Frank, his immune system had never been up to snuff and it wasn’t long before he had a fever too. This was why he’d hated elementary school.

He forced himself to take care of Sofia, though, to bring her glasses upon glasses of water, to read to her until she fell asleep in his lap, to lay on the couch and watch _Sleeping Beauty_ on repeat all day long. He couldn’t be blamed for falling asleep halfway into the first playing.

Victoria brought over soup one day and forced them both to eat it. Frank accused her of being a mother hen, but she just shushed him and made him eat all the broccoli.

So Frank and Sofia stayed home all week, watching TV and eating coco puffs. It was especially bad since Frank had decided to take Ray at his word and had found a brand new apartment. They were supposed to be moving in soon but with the way things were going, Frank would have been happy just to walk out of his own apartment let alone move to a new one.

Her fever stayed up for several days and Frank found himself sitting on her bed as she whimpered into her pillow, clutching the blue bunny close because the bear had yet to be found in the mess.

“I want mommy,” she whimpered and Frank bit his lip.

“Mommy can’t come,” he just said, pressing the back of his hand to her forehead. It was still warm. Sighing, he reached for the thermometer and had her open her mouth. “How do you feel?”

Sofia just stared at him blearily, hugging the bunny tight.

“Why can’t mommy come back?”

Frank took the thermometer from her and checked the number; 100. Sighing, he pushed back her hair and helped her up, handing her a glass of cool apple juice. She drank a few gulps but lay back down quickly afterwards.

“She just can’t,” he replied softly, rubbing comforting circles until she fell asleep.

By Friday, Frank was finally feeling better and Sofia seemed almost back to her normal self. They had spent most of the day discussing how Brendon was now Sofia’s fiancé and Pete was old news. Frank hoped Pete wouldn’t be too crushed when he told him.

Sofia fell asleep to yet another round of _Sleeping Beauty_ and Frank was glad when there was a knock at the door and he could move Sofia to her own bed and wade through the boxes to the door. There were even more now that they were moving and all of Frank’s things had to be put in boxes too.

At the door, Frank pulled it open against protesting boxes and was surprised to find Gerard on his doorstep.

“Mr. Way,” he said, taken aback.

“Hi, Frank,” Gerard greeted him. He had a smile on his face and packet in his hand.

“Um,” Frank said, grasping for words and stubbornly telling his stomach to stop jumping at the fact that Gerard was standing in his doorway. “Come in, uh, yeah. What are you doing here?” He stepped back from the door and realized his apartment was a complete mess.

Gerard picked his way through the boxes, a curious expression on his face.

“Uh, sorry about the mess,” Frank apologized, closing the door behind him. “We’re kind of in the middle of moving. Or well, Sofia’s boxes have been here since September, but now I have boxes and it just kind of exploded.”

Gerard just smiled slightly and found his way to the couch. He stopped, though, as he caught sight of Sofia sleeping curled up on her bed in the corner.

Frank winced. “Yeah, that’s kinda why we’re moving.”

Gerard nodded slowly and then turned to him. “Well, I just came by to see how you were doing.”

“Really?” Frank was surprised. He didn’t think preschool teachers did that.

Gerard shrugged. “And to bring you this. You haven’t been there all week and there’s a field trip on Monday. Didn’t want Sofia to miss it.” He held out the packet and Frank blinked.

“Oh, right,” he said, taking the package and sliding it open.

“It’s to the aquarium,” Gerard said and Frank paused.

“Oh,” he said again, but it was a little sadder this time.

“Something wrong?” Gerard asked and Frank just shook his head.

“It’s nothing, really.”

“No, what?” Gerard smiled at him nicely and Frank felt like that day Gerard had asked him up to his room. He could feel the words welling up inside him and they were spilling out before he could stop.

“It’s just, Jamia used to work at the aquarium and I don’t know how Sofia will take it. We haven’t been back since…” He shrugged. “I just don’t want her to be upset. You know, sometimes I wonder what would have happened if it had been the other way around. I bet Jamia wouldn’t have had so many problems.”

“She sounds like a great woman,” Gerard offered and Frank sighed, coming over and sinking onto the couch. Gerard sat down carefully beside him.

“She was.” Frank sighed. “I don’t know how she ever put up with me, or how Sofia does it.”

Gerard laughed and glanced over at the little girl curled up on the bed, her dark hair spread out on the pillow. “I’m sure it’s no trouble.”

Frank shrugged. “I don’t know. I feel like such a failure sometimes. I mean, I still can’t fucking make macaroni and cheese and all it is is noodles and cheese sauce.”

“Have you tried following the instructions on the box?”

Frank looked over, ready to argue with him but found him smiling and stopped. “Yeah,” he said instead. “But I still can’t do it. I guess we’ll just have to live on takeout forever and we’ll both get fat and she’ll end up taking care of me in my old age.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Gerard agreed and Frank sighed.

“How do you do it?” he asked suddenly and Gerard looked confused. “I mean, you have fifteen different kids every year and they all end up loving you. How does that happen?”

Gerard just shrugged. “I don’t know. I listen to them, I play with them. I try to teach them how to write their names.”

Frank nodded slowly. “So if I teach her to spell her name, she’ll love me?”

Gerard gave him a knowing look. “I’m sure already does, Frank.”

“But she cries and asks for things she knows I can’t give her. She asks for her mom when she’s upset and when she was sick this week. It’s like I’m not good enough.”

Gerard shook his head. “She’s a young kid. She just wants what’s familiar. Give it a year and she’ll only ask for you when she’s sick, trust me.”

Frank glanced at him and wasn’t exactly convinced. “You think so?”

Gerard nodded. “Yeah, pretty sure.”

Frank pulled his lip ring into his mouth and rolled it around with his tongue. Gerard just smiled softly at him and tilted his head back. Frank caught another flash of glitter in his hair and didn’t stop himself as he reached out for it.

“What?” Gerard asked as Frank brought his hand back, realizing what he’d done.

“Oh, it’s just, you always have glitter in your hair,” he said, then glancing at Gerard’s hands, added, “and paint. There’s always paint somewhere on you.”

Gerard touched his hair and examined his fingers as they came back with a light dusting of blue glitter on them.

“I swear I don’t know about the glitter. That stuff gets everywhere whenever I open a bottle. As for the paint, well, I paint a lot at home.”

“You mean like actual paint?” Frank asked interestedly.

Gerard paused. “I suppose you could count as finger paint, but I don’t think my agent would market it that way.”

“You have an agent,” Frank said, impressed. He stared at Gerard, surprised to be learning so much about his daughter’s teacher.

Gerard nodded. “Yeah. Sometimes I sell stuff. Not a lot, obviously, since I have a pretty regular day job.”

“Wow, I wish I could do something like that,” Frank said earnestly.

“Why can’t you?”

“Well, I can’t draw for shit,” he admitted, laughing slightly. “But I just feel like there’s something else out there other than managing a bar.”

“Oh, yeah, Bren told me about that,” Gerard said.

“He did, did he?” Frank paused, biting his lip again and sitting up slightly.

Gerard sat up too, closer than before, and nodded. “Yeah, he said it’s the place down on sixth and Harper. He said his friend’s band was playing there.”

“Uh, yeah,” Frank said after a minute. “That’s the one. I work there almost every day.”

“I’ve never been there,” Gerard admitted. “But I don’t really drink much.”

Frank shrugged. “I used to drink more but I feel like I shouldn’t now, you know?”

“Like you shouldn’t smoke?”

Frank grimaced. “I’m trying to quit, really. I know it’s bad for Sofia and, well, me, but it’s harder than it looks.”

Gerard shrugged. “I know. I used to smoke a lot.”

“So I’m not alone,” Frank joked, smiling at Gerard.

Gerard nodded and then paused, his eyes taking in Frank’s arms. He was only wearing a tee shirt today although it was definitely not tee shirt weather outside.

“Wow, you do have a lot of tattoos,” he said finally, taking in Frank’s arms.

“There’s more,” Frank said, pulling up his shirt and showing Gerard his torso and the bluebirds there.

Gerard kind of stared for a minute before blinking and bringing his eyes back to Frank’s face. “I can see where you get weird looks from the other parents.”

Frank shrugged, letting his shirt drop, and glancing over at Sofia’s sleeping back again. “I don’t really give a fuck what they think about me. I just don’t want Sofia to get hurt.”

Gerard nodded knowingly, a small smile on the corner of his mouth. “See, you’ve already got the instincts.”

“Instincts?”

“Of a father.”

Frank paused, thinking. “Maybe,” he said finally, smiling a little and looking back at Gerard, who didn’t say anything.

There was a pause and then Frank inclined forward, intending to say something, but the words never came, and Gerard wasn’t moving back. Inches from Gerard, he opened his mouth again but nothing came out and instead, he swallowed and let his mouth close the last little distance.

In the back of his mind, he knew he shouldn’t be doing this. He could feel Gerard’s lips against his own, a little chapped and not moving but not pulling away either. His lip ring was pressed to Gerard’s skin and he knew he should be pulling away.

But it had been so long. He hadn’t even thought about sex since Jamia had died. Hell, he’d hardly been thinking about it before, but it all seemed to come rushing back when he remained with his lips pressed against Gerard’s.

There was nothing much in the kiss aside from lips and elevated breathing when Frank finally pulled back and stared.

“Oh my God,” he muttered. “I’m, I’m sorry.” He stood quickly, struggling through the boxes to the clear path by the kitchen that led somewhat to the front door. His heart was pounding and his mind was screaming that hitting on his child’s preschool teacher was a horrible idea.

Gerard rose from the couch, looking like he wanted to say something, but Frank was already halfway to the door.

“You should go, um. Thanks for bringing the forms,” he said awkwardly, wanting to get Gerard out of there as quickly as possible and forget what a huge fool he was making out of himself.

Gerard made it out from in front of the couch and paused by Frank at the door. Frank didn’t look at him as he stopped.

“I, uh, I’ll see you on Monday,” was all he said, though, and Frank let out a shaky breath once the door was closed and slid down against it.

*

Frank had never dreaded a Monday more in his life.

He talked to Sofia and explained about the field trip. She hadn’t immediately broken down into tears, so he assumed it was safe to let her go. He signed the permission slip and took extra care to pack her lunchbox with her favorite foods (mostly things he didn’t have to put together – yes, peanut butter and jelly was complicated).

“Daddy, are we going in?” she asked as they stood out in the parking lot and Frank smoked his usual morning cigarette. “Brendon is waiting.”

Frank looked up at the playground where Brendon as busy pretending to be a monkey as he climbed all over the bars. He would have said he didn’t think Brendon noticed she was gone, but he’d learned the hard way that kids were sensitive.

Instead, he just flicked away his cigarette and took a deep breath, grabbing her hand (more for his sake than hers) and walking to the playground. The weather been in a surprising dry spell for the last few weeks but Frank didn’t expect it to last.

As soon as they reached it, Brendon caught sight of them.

“Sofiaaaa!” he called and her whole face lit up as she ran over to him. He dropped from the bars and took her face in his hands, inspecting her carefully. “You’re back. Are you all better now? No more bad flu bugs crawling around your stomach?”

Sofia shook her head defiantly. “Daddy made them all go away,” she announced proudly. “He even caught them.”

Brendon’s eyes widened comically and he leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Did you get them all? Wouldn’t want your daddy sick.”

“We got them all,” Sofia assured him seriously and Brendon grinned.

“Awesome! Hey, look, there’s Sara and Mackenzie. They’ve been asking about you!”

Sofia caught sight of her friends and hurried away while Brendon just waved to Frank and trotted off to play with the boys on the other side.

Frank lingered by the fence, knowing he could just escape now and go home to catch a few more hours of sleep before he had to get to work. But he still had the forms and Greta wasn’t out in the yard. So, braving his fears of fucking up his daughter’s education with his own motives, he went in search of Gerard. He found him on the other side, coaching a little boy on the rules of the playground.

“And what aren’t we supposed to do, Bobby?” he asked seriously and the boy sort of pouted and kicked the ground.

“Throw the balls at people,” he muttered after a minute.

“Do you know why?” Gerard continued, holding the boy’s arms firmly to keep him from turning away completely. It was obvious the boy knew he was in trouble.

“’Cause it hurts,” the boy replied, his response mumbled and reluctant.

“That’s right,” Gerard agreed. “Now, I want you to go apologize to Tori, okay?”

“Okay,” Bobby mumbled, running away the minute his arms were released.

Sighing, Gerard dusted off his jeans and rose, freezing slightly as he caught sight of Frank.

“Mr. Way,” Frank said quickly before Gerard could speak. “I, um, brought the forms for the field trip and I talked to Sofia. I think she’ll be fine.”

He held out the papers and ignored the nervous shaking of his hand. Gerard didn’t say anything but reached forward and took the papers slowly.

“I—” Frank bit his lip and tried to think of what to say but short of apologizing for kissing him and then kicking him out, he couldn’t think of anything.

Gerard was looking at the forms and not him. Finally, he looked up and though he wasn’t smiling, he didn’t look angry.

“You’ll be here to pick her up at three-thirty?”

“On the dot,” Frank said immediately.

Gerard just nodded. “Okay, great.”

“Right.” Frank nodded and started feeling stupid again. An awkward pause ensued and Frank couldn’t think of what to say, so he finally swung his hands and turned, shoving them in his pockets. He only stopped to give Sofia a hug before he shuffled back to his car and drove away, forcing himself not to look back.

*

The worst thing about all of this was that if it had been happening while Jamia was alive, she would have been the first one he would have gone whining to.

As it was, he only had Ray and Bob now. He also had Pete and Gabe, but Pete’s advice was kind of stalker-ish and Gabe’s was just disturbing. Victoria tisked at him for letting it get out of hand and Frank wasn’t in the mood to hear what William might have offered.

So instead, he barricaded himself in his office and buried himself in paperwork for the whole morning. He found himself staring at a drawing Sofia had done, though. It was stuck to the filing cabinet across from his desk, hanging crooked with its piece of tape and threatening to fall off completely.

The white piece of printer paper was covered with a blue scribble that Sofia insisted was a ten-legged octopus. Frank wondered if Jamia had ever explained that octopi only had eight legs, hence the “oct” part of the name.

Staring at the drawing, he felt as though he should give it a name. Maybe he would ask Sofia later to help him pick out a name.

He didn’t answer the door when a knock permeated the wood. Instead, he just tore his gaze from the octopus and shuffled the papers in front of him.

The door opened moments later despite his lack of response. Ray was there, his curly hair preceding him inside. He shut the door behind him and paused just inside.

“Frank,” he said when Frank didn’t look up at him, but shoved a paper aside for later.

“Huh?” Frank asked, staring unseeingly at the invoice in front of him.

“Frank, what did they do to you?”

Frank frowned. Just because he was holed up in his office didn’t mean anything had happened. “Nothing.”

“Frank.” Ray’s tone was knowing and Frank groaned because he knew he’d spill it sooner or later.

“Okay, so I asked for their advice and not a one was any help,” he whined. Sometimes he couldn’t believe he had a kid when he sounded so much like one himself. Jamia must have been high when she asked him to be the father.

“What do you need help with?” Ray asked, pulling up the other chair and flopping down in it.

Frank hesitated, knowing how stupid it was going to sound. It already had sounded stupid when he’d told Pete.

“I kind of kissed my daughter’s preschool teacher.”

He didn’t expect Ray to yell at him but he didn’t expect to receive complete silence either.

“Ray?” he asked after a minute.

“You get yourself into the strangest situations,” Ray said finally.

Frank stared. “That’s it? That’s all I get?”

“What more do you want?”

“What am I supposed to do?” Frank asked plaintively. “He’s her teacher and it’s wrong!”

“Why is it wrong?” Ray asked and Frank spluttered to find words.

“Because,” he said and nothing more came.

“Because?”

“I don’t know!” Frank cried. “You’re just not supposed to do that with preschool teachers, especially guy preschool teachers. Those are a rarity in and of themselves. Kissing one and then kicking him out of your apartment isn’t the best idea, you know?”

Ray paused. “You kicked him out?”

“Well, I asked him to leave.”

“Why?”

“Ray!” Frank sighed hopelessly. “Because my life is fucked up enough with Jamia dying and me trying to be a good father to a kid I wasn’t even supposed to see more than twice a week. I don’t know how to handle all this. It’s too fucking much at the same time.”

He let his head fall down onto his desk and was surprised when he felt Ray’s arm on his back, comforting.

“I just don’t know what to do,” he mumbled into his desk.

“You’ll figure it out,” Ray said reassuringly. “You always do.”

“Can’t I do it faster this time?” Frank muttered hopelessly.

Ray smiled, patting his shoulder. “Just take whatever time it needs.”

Frank only groaned into the desk and didn’t lift his head for a long time after.

*

Sofia was unusually quiet when Frank picked her up from school and fussed about her shoes when he tried to retie the laces. He talked through the car ride home although he wasn’t sure if she was even listening. He was barely listening, just kept talking for fear that if he stopped, something bad would happen.

At home, they traversed the box wasteland and Frank dug out some sort of snack from his empty cupboards. He still hadn’t learned how to grocery shop the right way. He wasn’t sure there even was a right way, but some people always seemed to have food in their cupboards and he didn’t.

Sofia ate the apple pieces slowly and Frank lingered back nervously. He remembered when Jamia used to get silent it always meant she was upset.

“So how was the field trip?” he asked finally. “Did you get to see Stuart?” Stuart was the red octopus that visitors could pet.

Sofia just ate her apple and looked at Frank. “I want cookies.”

“We don’t have any,” Frank replied. “Besides, you shouldn’t have so much sugar.” He wasn’t sure where that came from but it might have been a throwback lesson from his own childhood.

Sofia threw down the apple piece and Frank could see it coming.

“I want a cookie!” she yelled, her face already scrunching up and he wondered if she did this on purpose.

“No,” he repeated. “Eat your apple.”

Sofia’s lip trembled and her little hands curled into fists which she beat against the counter. “I want a cookie!” she cried. “Mommy gave me cookies!”

Frank cringed as her immediate response was to drag her mother into it.

“Mommy’s not here,” he just said and Sofia hit the counter hard, angry tears leaking down her face.

“Where is she?” she yelled. “I want mommy! I want mommy!”

“Sofia,” he just said, trying not to get upset, not to let her words affect him. She didn’t know what they meant to him. “You need to calm down.”

“Mommy!” she screamed, choking on her own tears and sliding off the stool on the linoleum. “I want my mommy!”

Frank reached down and pulled her off the floor, but she fell limp in his arms, kicking against his grip. Screaming and kicking, she struggled as he picked her up and carried her over to her bed.

“Mommy’s not here,” he said again, firmly, and set her down on her bed where she immediately kicked it hard and screamed into the pillow. “I’m here.”

“I don’t want you!” Sofia screamed, sobbing into her bed, losing control of herself. “I want mommy!”

“Well, you’re stuck with me,” Frank just said, rising from the bed and leaving her crying into her pillow.

Shutting his bedroom door, he brought a hand to his face and ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

“Fuck,” he cursed loudly, kicking the door. He didn’t know how to deal with this.

Catching sight of the picture on the dresser, he snatched it off and sunk onto his bed, staring at Jamia’s smiling face.

“How could you do this to me?” he asked the picture. “How could you leave me with her? You know I can barely take care of myself let alone a little girl. She’s just like you, you know? Same strange temper that I could never figure out. And she wants everything to be like it was before but I can’t make it like that. Fuck, Jamia, why did you ask _me_ to be the father? Weren’t there a million other people out there who could have done this? I’m not the only gay guy in the world.” Sighing, he hung his head and shook his head. “I’m gonna fuck this kid up good if we’re not careful,” he mumbled. “And I wouldn’t even have to try.”

Jamia’s picture just smiled up at him, brown eyes sparkling. Sighing again, he rose and placed it back on the dresser and crept to the door.

In the living room, Sofia was still crying on her bed, but it was quieter now and Frank snuck over to her, feeling bad as he sat down next to her.

“Sof, sweetie,” he murmured quietly and she just sniffed, her body still shaking in silent tears. Gathering her up, he pulled her to him and hugged her tightly. She clung to him, sniffling against his shirt. Stroking back her hair, he rocked back and forth with her a little. “I know you’re sad that mommy’s not here, but I’m still here and I love you.”

Sofia sniffled into his shirt again, and her response was choked through tears. “I-I want mommy.”

“I know,” he whispered, petting down her messy hair. “Me too.” He took a breath and pushed away the tears gathering in his eyes. “But hey, we’re gonna be in a new apartment soon, and you’ll have your own room and we can decorate it any way you want.”

Sofia wiped at her eyes with her palms and looked up. “Blue?”

“Blue,” Frank agreed and held her close, biting his lip to stop the tears that wanted to fall as he cradled his little girl against him.

*

The situation with Gerard didn’t get any better over the next week. Frank mostly tried to avoid him when he dropped Sofia off at school, only stopping to chat with Brendon if he was caught before he could escape to his car. Gerard didn’t say anything for which Frank was glad. He wasn’t sure he could take anything more at the moment.

They were in the process of actually moving. Half of the boxes were in the new apartment, although that really only made Frank’s apartment half as crowded, back to what it had been in September when he had packed all of Sofia’s things and stuffed them in his living room.

On Saturday, he and Sofia made the last of the trips, and by the time all the boxes had been moved from Frank’s car up the stairs and to the second floor apartment, his arms felt like they were going to fall off. It didn’t help that rain had started shortly after lunchtime and a good portion of the boxes were now wet as they sat in the new living room.

Frank and Sofia lay on the floor, Frank prompting her to count the boxes that towered around them.

“…Six, eight, nine, ten,” she counted slowly, missing a few numbers. She stopped, though. “What comes after ten?”

“Eleven,” Frank answered, too tired to sit up to count the boxes with her. He could hear the patter of the rain outside the window and wasn’t looking forward to going back out to his car to go back to the apartment for their last night.

“Eleven,” Sofia continued, pointing at the same box as before. “Seventeen, twenty-five, four.”

Frank just smiled to himself and closed his eyes. The electricity hadn’t been turned on in the apartment yet so there were no lights and everything was just grey from the sky outside. Sofia sat beside him, continuing her counting until she got bored and pushed at his stomach.

“Daddy, wake up.”

“No,” Frank replied, turning away from her and grinning as he heard her tiny huff, so like her mother.

“Daddy!” she cried, climbing over his side and reaching for his stomach.

He shrieked, curling away from her hands and laughing as she tickled him.

“Ah, no, Sof! Stop!” he cried helplessly as she continued to tickle him mercilessly. “Stop! Stop! You can’t tickle me! I’m the tickle monster!”

He rolled over and pinned her down, tickling her stomach until she was shrieking in laughter and trying to squirm away.

Finally, he stopped and they both let out a sigh as Frank lay back down on the carpet.

“What do you say we go out for pizza tonight?” he asked after a minute.

“You’re not gonna make it, are you?” Sofia asked and Frank frowned.

“Why?”

“You burn everything.”

Frank just laughed and sighed at the ceiling. “No, I won’t make it.”

“Okay,” Sofia just agreed. “I like pizza.”

Frank nodded and settled back to watch the dimming light on the ceiling.

*

Frank felt out of place when he walked into the secretary’s office and Keltie was there, talking on the phone with a parent.

“Yes, Mr. James, our school is fully equipped with an art room and we have a dance teacher who comes once a week to work with the kids. All the teachers are certified and completely capable. Would you like to set up a day to come in and take a look around? We’d be happy to give you a tour. Yes, Thursday sounds great. All right, we’ll see you then.”

She hung up, making a note in her planner book, and then glanced up at Frank.

“Good morning, Mr. Iero,” she greeted him, a smile already on her face. “What can I help you with?”

“I need to, uh, change the address on Sofia’s stuff. We moved.”

“Okay,” Keltie said, wheeling her chair to a file cabinet and ruffling through manila folders until she found Frank’s and pulled it out.

Frank waited, pulling on his lip ring as she shuffled through some more papers, looking for the form. As he stood there, the other door off the office opened and Greta emerged.

“Oh, hello, Mr. Iero,” she said cheerfully when she saw him. “How are you?”

He shrugged, his hands in his pockets. “I’m doing all right.”

Greta smiled. “That’s wonderful. You know, I think Sofia’s doing very well.”

Frank nodded a little. He didn’t know why he felt so strange around the adults in this place. They were all just so happy.

“I think she likes it here.”

“Yes, Mr. Way says she’s a very bright child,” Greta continued as Keltie found the forms and plucked out a pen.

“If you could just fill those out,” Keltie said, handing him the paper and the pen.

Greta glanced over at the form and paused. “You moved?”

“Um, yeah,” Frank muttered, bending over the desk and filling in his name. “My apartment was a little small. I wasn’t exactly expecting to have a kid living there, you know?”

Greta nodded understandingly and was silent as he filled out the rest of the form. Keltie took it back with a smile and turned to her computer.

“How are things going otherwise?” Greta asked when he stuffed his hands back in his jacket.

He shrugged. “Okay, I guess. It’s just hard… to figure everything out.”

Greta nodded again and Frank wasn’t sure if she understood or if she was just doing it to make him feel better. Though from the way her eyes sparkled and she smiled, he thought maybe she did know. She was the director of a preschool after all. She probably saw all sorts of families come through.

“Gerard,” she said suddenly and Frank’s head shot up. Gerard was standing in the doorway with a little boy who looked a little green.

“We need to call Joey’s parents,” he just said, his gaze flicking to Frank for just a minute before leading the kid inside. “I think he caught the flu that was going around.”

“Oh dear,” Greta said, taking Joey’s hand and taking him back to her office where there was a little bed while Keltie immediately looked up his contact information.

Frank stood awkwardly in the office with Gerard while Keltie talked on the phone.

“So,” Frank said after a minute of playing with his lip ring nervously. “Greta said Sofia likes your class.”

Gerard nodded slowly and then took a step carefully out of the office and Frank followed him into the hall.

“She’s doing really well,” he said once they were out of view of Keltie at the desk. “She likes coloring and playing with the blocks.”

“Yeah, I got her one of those giant boxes of crayons,” Frank muttered. “She had a field day. Almost had to repaint the walls to get my deposit back.”

“You moved?”

Frank gave a half-shrug, chancing a glance at Gerard. He was just watching him carefully, green glitter this time smeared across his cheek and in his hair.

“Yeah. It was too small. I couldn’t even find my socks.”

Gerard smiled and Frank bit his lip. A part of him wanted to tell Gerard that he was stupid and would he please forgive him and maybe agree to dinner sometime? But another part of him reminded him that the last thing he needed right now was a relationship with Sofia’s teacher.

“Listen, Mr. Way,” he said finally, feeling like he should at least say _something_ to apologize for his actions. “I’m s-sorry about the other day. I just wasn’t… I don’t think getting involved with someone is the best idea for me right now and I don’t want things to be weird for Sofia. She’s just barely adjusting to having me around all the time. I, it’s not you. Really. You’re, you’re pretty awesome. So, like, I don’t want you to think badly of me,” he finished lamely. He wasn’t sure if that had conveyed any of what he wanted to say, but Gerard just paused.

“I understand,” he said finally.

“You do?”

Gerard nodded. “Of course. You know, they say that after things like deaths, there shouldn’t be any large upheavals in a person’s life.”

“Think it’s too late for that,” Frank muttered to the tile floor.

Gerard just gave Frank a sort of sad smile. “Everything’s fine, don’t worry.”

Frank just nodded and tried to quirk a smile but it fell flat. “Good, yeah, I didn’t want it to be weird.”

Gerard shook his head. “No, it won’t be, Frank. I wouldn’t do that to Sofia.”

“Right,” he just muttered, glancing up and pulling the ring into his mouth again. “Right.”


	3. silver_etoile

Things improved after that and Frank didn’t feel as awkward coming into the playground. He would talk with Gerard about horror movies and all the things Frank couldn’t do now that he had Sofia. He hoped she would grow to love horror films so that he could eventually watch them with her in the same room.

The new apartment was a Godsend and Frank thanked Ray every day for suggesting it. He could actually walk from the door to the kitchen without tripping over a stray box now.

Sofia’s room had been decorated head to toe in blue. There was even a big blue octopus cut-out taped to the back of her door. Frank didn’t know where Victoria had found it, but she had and had given it to Frank as a secret present to Sofia.

Sofia was currently sitting behind Frank’s desk and working diligently on a red octopus to accompany Walter, the blue octopus that was still taped precariously to Frank’s filing cabinet.

Leaving her for a moment, Frank made his way over to the bar where Pete was encouraging a few girls to do body shots.

“You’d almost think he was straight,” Frank commented as he took the stool near Victoria.

She laughed as she poured a drink for a man nearby and slid it down. “You want some juice for Sofia or something?”

“Nah.” Frank shook his head, glancing back at the office where he could just see her head as she concentrated hard on her drawing.

“So what are you doing next week?” she asked, pulling her long hair back and tying it up loosely.

“What’s next week?” Frank asked, still watching Sofia.

Victoria stopped with her hand halfway up to her hair.

“Frank, it’s Thanksgiving.”

Frank blinked. “What?”

“Yeah,” Victoria said seriously. “Did you forget? Frank. It’s one of the major holidays.”

Frank groaned, burying his face in his hands. How could he have forgotten Thanksgiving? Usually he went over to Jamia’s and Jamia made the dinner while Frank watched the parade and made fun of the dancers.

“Shit,” he cursed, looking back at Sofia, who was happily coloring. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Make dinner,” Victoria prompted, handing William a tray of drinks as he came to the counter.

“Frank’s making dinner?” he asked as he balanced the tray. “Hope there’s a fire extinguisher nearby.”

Frank just glared as William breezed away. Victoria ignored him.

“It’s not that hard, Frank. They have instructions that come with the turkey.”

Frank stared. “For one, I’m a vegan. For another, I can’t even make mac and cheese, Vicky,” he said plainly. “What makes you think I could cook a turkey?”

“You learned how to braid, didn’t you?” She asked with a pointed look at Sofia, whose hair was in a slightly messy French braid. “And they have tofurkey.”

“I googled it,” Frank deadpanned but she just scoffed.

“So google turkeys.”

“What?” Gabe asked as he passed by on his way to the door and Frank groaned. “Frank, now I know you swing the other way, but I’m pretty sure that shit is illegal.”

“Go away, Gabe,” Victoria just said simply, shooting him a cool look.

“I’ll google you, Victoria,” he leered with a wink and she just glared back.

“Don’t think William would like that.”

“What William doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” Gabe said but winced at a sharp poke to his side and turned to find William there, an eyebrow arched and the tray empty. “Bilvy!”

William just rolled his eyes and passed the tray to Victoria. “I need two Long Island Iced teas.”

“Comin’ up,” she replied with a smug smirk at Gabe, who just shrugged and turned away with William, whispering something in his ear that Frank didn’t care to hear.

Instead, he slid off the stool and headed back to the office where Sofia held up his drawing once he appeared in the doorway.

“Daddy, lookit!”

Frank came over to the desk to take in the – artistic was the operative word, but Frank chose to go with it – red octopus.

“It’s beautiful,” he just said when she put it back on the table and began writing her name in the corner. Frank was pretty sure she hadn’t been able to do that three months ago. Her F was backwards, but it looked pretty neat to Frank for a four year old. “What’s its name?”

“Ray,” she said decisively.

“Ray the red octopus,” Frank repeated slowly, grinning. “I like it. How about we put him up with Walter so they can chat when we’re not here?”

“Okay!” Sofia agreed readily, hopping off the chair and stretching for the tape on Frank’s desk. She got it stuck to her fingers but pried it off, going to the cabinet and waiting for Frank so he could stick it up next to Walter.

“A perfect pair,” he stated and Sofia grinned.

“Daddy,” she said, tugging on his pants’ leg and looking up at him. “What if Stuart dies?”

“What?” Frank turned to her, meeting her eyes that were big and round. “Why would you think that?” Frank had no idea how long octopi lived but he hoped it was a long time.

Sofia’s lip trembled and he quickly dropped to her level. “The man at the aquarium said they only live two years. And I’m four.”

He didn’t know where this was coming from but he could see the breakdown coming again.

“Well, Sof, when things die, well, depending on what you believe – actually, I don’t really know. I guess that’s Buddhist, right?”

She just stared at him and he bit his lip again, feeling stupid.

“Sometimes things just have to die,” he said finally. “It’s just how things work.”

“But I don’t want Stuart to die,” she said, burying her face in Frank’s shirt as he pulled her into a hug.

“I know,” he murmured. “Just try not to think about it, okay?”

Her nod was small against his shirt and he glanced up at the pictures of Ray and Walter watching over them.

*

Frank was getting more and more worried as Thursday approached and Thanksgiving loomed on the horizon. At school Sofia made turkeys out of her hands and came back with glitter all over her face. Frank secretly blamed Gerard that night when he was trying to wash it all off. She talked about Thanksgiving and how she wanted pumpkin pie. Frank desperately hoped they sold that at the store.

The Wednesday before the break found Frank leaning against his car, a cigarette in his hand as he watched the playground. The rain had taken a break for the hour and the sun peeked through the dark clouds, highlighting the puddles and the drips of rain that fell onto his jacket as he leaned against his car under the big Elm.

The other parents mostly ignored him now as he smoked, one hand securely in his pocket. It was getting colder and he knew it wouldn’t be long until it started snowing.

Flicking the cigarette away, he made his way towards the playground where the kids were running around and shrieking happily, tripping in the bark chips and laughing. Frank slid in the gate and ambled over to where Gerard was standing with one of the other teachers. Frank hadn’t met her, but he thought she taught the three year olds.

“Oh, hello, Frank,” Gerard greeted him as he came up. “This is Ms. Ivarrson. She teaches the threes.”

Frank nodded politely at the tall woman. She seemed to sense something between the two and looked out at the playground.

“Looks like Mackenzie took a spill,” she said and left them to comfort the crying girl near the slide.

Frank looked out too, searching for Sofia. He found her on the jungle gym, hanging upside down on the climbing structure. Her hair dangled down and Frank didn’t look forward to combing it out later.

“We did this activity today,” Gerard said after a minute and Frank glanced over, seeing a hint of purple glitter in his hair. He really wanted to know where it came from. “Where I asked the kids what they were thankful for.”

Frank paused, chewing on his lip ring again and looking out at Sofia.

Gerard shuffled closer just barely. “She said you.”

Frank looked up quickly. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Gerard smiled. “You must be doing something right.”

“Well, she’s still alive,” Frank joked. _Although I doubt she will be after tomorrow_ , he added silently, thinking of the tofurkey in his fridge and the ten pages of instructions that he printed out from online.

“You should give yourself more credit,” Gerard said, nudging his shoulder and Frank felt his stomach jump.

“Uh, yeah,” he mumbled. "Well, we’ll see how much she likes me after tomorrow.”

Gerard raised an eyebrow, but Frank just shrugged it off, throwing him a smile, probably the first real smile he’d given in this place.

“We should get going. I have to get back to work. I guess I’ll see you on Monday.”

Gerard didn’t say anything when Frank called to Sofia and she ran to him, full of stories for the way home. Eyeing her curls unhappily, he just sighed and left Gerard with a smile, shunting her to the car as she skipped along and rambled about pilgrims and Indians.

*

Frank stared at the bag sitting on his counter. He had pages and pages of printed instructions on the counter next to it but he just bit his lip and eyed it uneasily.

The television in the living room was on and he could see the beginnings of the parade while Sofia sat on the couch, completely enthralled. He wasn’t sure if she really knew what was going on with the holiday, but she wasn’t crying so he counted it a success.

He’d called his mother earlier to beg for help but she’d never understood his vegan tendencies and just told him to look it up online. So an hour later, he was still staring at the wrapped tofurkey and wondering how badly he could possibly screw up this holiday.  
  
Turning to the oven, he carefully turned it on to the specified 350 degrees and waited for it to explode. When it didn’t, he let out a sigh and turned back to his instructions. He had a wrestling match with the pans as he struggled to drag out the big roasting pan, falling on his ass and exclaiming loudly.

“Daddy, you said a bad word,” Sofia piped up from the couch and Frank grumbled, making a mark on a piece of paper held on the fridge with a butterfly magnet. When the list got to twenty, Frank had to throw away a pack of his cigarettes and wasn’t allowed to buy them back.

Pushing himself up, he turned back to the ball of tofurkey and glared. He was going to cook this thing if it was the last thing he did.

Reading the instructions carefully, taking in every word, Frank carefully unwrapped the ball of tofurkey. He felt for Jamia now when she’d had to make dinner every year.

Some group was dancing on the television and Frank had a momentary pang of longing as he remembered last year when he and Sofia had spread out and giggled through most of the parade and she’d tried to dance along. Now it was just Sofia watching, enraptured, while Frank struggled to make a real dinner.

He didn’t have high hopes for his tofurkey. The only bright side was that he couldn’t possibly burn the pumpkin pie because he’d bought one from the store. At least they’d have dessert.

So Frank shoved the tofurkey in the oven and prayed to the heavens that nothing went wrong.

Flopping down next to Sofia, he ran a hand through her curly hair and frowned at the tangles he felt. She just giggled and snuggled into him, though.

“Is Santa coming, daddy?” she asked, obviously remembering the end of the parade from the year before.

“At the end,” he replied, watching as Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera pretended to be cold in their inside studio.

Outside, the sky was grey and there was a steady stream of rain dripping off everything. He was glad to be warm and cozy in their new apartment.

They watched the rest of the parade and Frank checked the tofurkey periodically, hoping everything went all right. When the parade ended, Frank switched it over to the dog show and watched as Sofia’s eyes widened at all the different dogs on the screen. He made a mental note to think about getting a dog once things were all figured out.

He left her in the living room to take a quick shower before finishing the dinner. Standing under the hot water, he tried to relax. He tried not to think about Christmas, which was less than a month away. Was he supposed to play Santa? How did that even work? All he’d done before was show up on Christmas day with presents and sing Christmas carols at the top of his lungs.

When he stepped out of the shower and dressed, he paused to look at himself in the mirror. He thought for a second that he looked older than he had a few months ago. His hair was getting longer and his eyes looked tired. Rubbing his hair with the towel, he sighed and turned away, only to hear a yell through the door.

“Daddy!”

Dropping the towel, Frank ran out to the living room. Sofia was standing in the living room, pointing at the kitchen.

“Daddy!” she said again, her eyes wide as she stared.

Frank turned around just as the smoke alarm went off, a horribly loud beeping sound filling the apartment.

“Fuck!” he cursed, dashing over to the oven and opening it only to let a puff of smoke fill the apartment. Closing it quickly, he turned off the oven and ran to the window, opening it and then returning to the smoke alarm, fanning it with one of the many internet instructions.

Sofia had her hands over her ears in the corner by the TV as Frank fanned frantically.

Finally, the alarm stopped and Frank let out a relieved sigh. Moving cautiously to the oven, he paused before opening it again. A burnt smell reached his nose and he cringed away from it. Pulling down the door completely, he grabbed a pot holder and dragged out the pan.

Sofia came over to investigate, looking at the ruined tofurkey curiously. Frank hauled it up onto the stove and sighed.

“Well," he said after a minute. “How do you feel about pie?”

Sofia just looked up at him and Frank knew this was definitely another one for the Worst Dad Ever column. He had a list tucked away in his bedroom, under his pillow.

Sighing to himself, he pushed the tofurkey away and leaned back against the counter.

“Daddy?” Sofia asked, tugging on his jeans. He looked down, forcing a smile on his face. “Are we going to a restaurant?”

Frank laughed slightly and patted her head. “Nah, we’ll just have microwave mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie. How does that sound?”

“Yummy,” Sofia declared, hugging his knees.

Frank smiled sadly and gave her a little push. “Why don’t you go watch the dog show and I’ll get something ready, okay?”

Sofia nodded, releasing his legs and returning to the couch where the Toy group was on.

Turning back to the kitchen, Frank sighed. He couldn’t even cook a tofu turkey. Glancing back, he watched Sofia’s eyes widen at the Pug that waddled across the screen.

Moving to get rid of the turkey, he was interrupted by a knock on the door. The window was still open and Frank reminded himself to close it as he crossed to the door. Sofia was too engrossed by the television to notice the door. Frank figured it was one of the neighbors who must have heard the alarm.

He was shocked then when he opened the door and Gerard stood on his little porch, a ceramic platter in his hands.

“Mr. Way,” he said, shocked. “What are you doing here?”

Gerard shrugged slightly. “Well, I figured you guys were probably alone and there’s no sense being alone on a holiday.”

Frank just stared but Sofia noticed now and her squeal was loud as she rolled off the couch and launched herself at Gerard.

“Mr. Way!” she cried, hugging his knees tightly.

“Hey, Sofia,” Gerard greeted her with a smile. “How are you?”

“Daddy burned the turkey,” Sofia said matter-of-factly and Frank just wanted to disappear right then as the flush flared on his neck.

“That’s enough, Sof,” he said instead, guiding her away from Gerard. He looked up at Gerard, who was trying not to smile.

“Well, I guess you’re in luck then,” Gerard said, pulling the top off his dish and Frank stared at the golden-brown lump of tofurkey there. “Sofia mentioned you didn’t eat meat.”

Frank just stared. “Uh, yeah, I’m a vegan.”

Gerard nodded and paused as Frank just stared. “So can I come in?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Frank said, feeling like an idiot as he stepped back and let Gerard in. He closed the door behind him and moved to the window as well.

Gerard came in, looking around while Sofia talked a mile a minute.

“And daddy let me pick out everything in my room,” she was saying, dragging Gerard to her room and showing him.

“It looks great,” he replied as Sofia pointed out her clock with a blue octopus on it and the bedspread with an ocean theme.

When he finally managed to get her to show him the kitchen, he set his tofurkey down on the counter and smiled as he saw Frank’s ruined attempt.

Frank glanced over at it and just shrugged. “I can’t cook.”

Gerard just laughed. “Doesn’t look like that stopped you.”

Shaking his head, Frank smiled. “I’m kind of stubborn that way.” He paused, looking at Gerard, who was still smiling at him. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be with your family or something?”

Gerard shrugged, looking at whatever Sofia was trying to show him. He made an interested noise and handed it back. She hurried back into her room for something else.

“I usually spend it with my brother, but he and his wife went to my parent’s this year and I didn’t feel like tagging along.”

Frank wasn’t sure he believed him, but he had no room to complain when Gerard had brought over edible food.

“So you’re a vegan,” Gerard said after a minute. “But Sofia always has cheese and things.”

Frank gave a half-shrug, moving to the pantry and pulling down plates. “I don’t want to force her to be vegan or vegetarian. She can decide when she’s old enough.”

“That’s big of you,” Gerard commented and Frank laughed.

“It was Jamia’s idea, but I think it’s a good one.”

“Mr. Way.” Sofia appeared next to him, pulling on his jeans and he glanced down. Frank caught another sparkle of glitter as he did so.

“Yes, Sofia?” he asked, crouching down and giving her a smile.

“Did you bring a turkey?”

“Sort of,” Gerard allowed, meeting Frank’s eyes and smiling.

Frank smiled back and felt that annoying jump again. Pushing it away, he bit his lip and turned back to the cupboard, getting out cups.

“Are you going to eat with us?” Sofia’s eyes were big and it wasn’t as though Frank would have said no anyway.

“Yeah, he’s gonna stay,” Frank said and Gerard smiled again. “Is that okay, Sof?”

“Yeah!” she cried happily, hugging Gerard. “Daddy never has people over.”

Frank internally cursed but Gerard just smiled at Sofia.

“We should change that, then.”

Sofia just giggled and Frank turned to her. “Here, Sof, put the cups on the table.” He handed her three cups and watched her head towards their brand new dining table. He had figured that if he was going to get a new apartment, he might as well try a real dining room complete with table and chairs. Maybe that would help him not be such failure. He wasn’t sure how well it was working.

Gerard rose back up and smirked at Frank. Frank was surprised to see something other than the soft smile he used for all the children.

“You’re not a hermit, are you?”

Frank frowned slightly. “I just haven’t had a lot of time to have friends over since I got Sofia. She takes a lot of time.”

“You don’t have to sacrifice everything, you know,” was all Gerard said before he grabbed the plates and went to help Sofia set the table.

*

The dinner was actually decent, Frank thought, once they finished and Sofia was sprawled across the couch, sleepily watching _Alice in Wonderland_ on TV. Frank and Gerard were on either side of her, talking quietly.

“You know, this is probably the most fucked-up Disney movie ever,” Frank commented as Alice ate the mushroom and shot up ten feet.

“Pretty sure some heavy drugs were involved,” Gerard agreed.

Frank laughed and looked over. Gerard was watching the movie, but met his eyes with a quiet smile. Glancing down, Frank saw that Sofia had fallen asleep completely.

“Must have been the turkey,” Gerard commented and Frank grinned.

“It wasn’t real turkey.”

“Tasted real enough.”

Frank paused. “Did you actually make that?”

Gerard hesitated and then gave a guilty smile. “Well, I know this cook. My friend, Lyn-Z. She made it for me.”

Frank’s eyes narrowed playfully. “I knew it.”

Gerard shrugged helplessly. “But I can make mac and cheese,” he defended.

“Maybe I should have you over more often,” Frank joked and then stopped, realizing what he’d just said. “Um,” he said into the silence. “I should put Sofia to bed.”

Carefully, he scooped Sofia up and left Gerard in the living room. In Sofia’s room, he tucked her in lightly and stood watching her for a few moments before gathering himself and going back out.

Shutting the door quietly behind him, he turned to find Gerard still on the couch, watching the movie.

“Wow,” he said when Frank sat back down. “Could there be any more drug allusions in this thing?”

“Probably,” Frank replied. “But then it wouldn’t be rated G.”

Gerard nodded understandingly. “Suppose not.”

Frank just nodded and settled back onto the couch, wondering how awkward it was going to get now that Sofia was gone.

He watched the movie for a while but didn’t comment when the Cheshire Cat appeared, and that had always been his favorite part.

“Mr. Way,” he said after a while and Gerard turned to him.

“Can you call me Gerard? It feels strange outside of school unless it’s one of my kids.”

“Okay,” Frank agreed slowly. “Gerard, why did you come over today?”

Gerard paused, looking thoughtful. “Frank,” he said finally. “You are probably the hardest working dad I’ve ever met. You’re working so hard to make sure that Sofia is happy and I know that maybe you feel like it isn’t working, but just the fact that you’re trying makes all the difference.”

Frank was slightly confused but didn’t say anything when Gerard paused.

“The thing is, sometimes too many people live for their kids. That’s how people get the Empty Nest Syndrome. They focus on their child entirely and when the kid leaves, they have nothing left. I don’t want you to be one of those people because you have a lot going for you if you’d just take the time to remember.”

Frank frowned but didn’t know what to say. Gerard shifted on the couch, turning fully towards him.

“I get that you’re trying to do what’s best for Sofia and I respect that. It’s admirable, but you can’t forget yourself in the process.”

“What are you trying to say?” Frank asked after a minute although he had a feeling. He didn’t deny that since he’d gotten Sofia, he had let his own life fall to the wayside. He didn’t go out with friends anymore or hang out in the bar in his off-time. He didn’t even have Ray or Bob over for a night of watching stupid comedies and getting drunk. It all felt irresponsible now.

“Frank,” Gerard said slowly, sitting up closer. “When you kissed me before, did you want to?”

Frank’s stomach was jumping all over the place and his heart was speeding up unnecessarily. His teeth immediately went for his lip ring, chewing on it nervously.

“It doesn’t matter,” he replied finally. “You’re my daughter’s preschool teacher and I’m her fucked-up father who’s just trying not to burn down the house.”

Gerard didn’t back off. “It does matter. If it’s what you want then it matters. You can’t lose yourself. I’ve seen too many people do it. They’re the ones who put their kids in ten clubs, who make sure there’s always an activity to do, whether it’s sports or arts. They never take time for themselves and they get lost.”

Frank stared at Gerard, seeing the sparkle of glitter in his hair again.

“How can I be good father to her if I don’t focus on her?” he asked finally. “She doesn’t have a mom now and I have to make up for that. I can barely make up for myself let alone Jamia.”

Gerard shook his head. “You know, the great thing about little kids is that they love you despite your faults.”

Frank paused, glancing at the door to Sofia’s bedroom. He knew Gerard had a point. Hell, he was probably completely right, but Frank couldn’t stop the nagging feeling that by letting himself enjoy himself, he would somehow be wronging Sofia.

Frank glanced back at Gerard, who was just waiting patiently, and Frank wondered if he was always like this. It must have come with working with kids for so long.

“Gerard,” he said slowly and Gerard licked his lips in response. “I shouldn’t.”

“But you want to,” Gerard said, his voice nearly a whisper.

Frank wanted to, yes. He wanted to. He wanted to kiss Gerard again without his daughter sleeping in the same room. He wanted to drag him back into his bedroom and lock the door, to test the sound-proofedness of the walls.

“Yes, I want to,” he admitted in a rush. “But I can’t.”

Gerard gave him a long look. “I don’t want you to lose yourself, Frank.”

Something snapped in Frank, and before he could stop himself, he was kissing Gerard.  
  
It wasn’t dry and hesitant like the first time. Frank pressed forward, sliding his tongue against the seam of Gerard’s lips and wasn’t surprised when they opened for him. He felt the quick exhale of breath when Gerard opened his mouth and let Frank’s tongue slide inside.

Frank’s hands were on Gerard, one on his cheek and the other on his neck. He couldn’t believe how much he’d missed just kissing someone. His last boyfriend seemed like so long ago now.

Gerard tasted like coffee and pumpkin pie and he kissed Frank back, a hand grasping the side of his tee-shirt. Frank pressed closer, biting at Gerard’s lips and ignoring the slide of his lip ring against Gerard’s mouth. A muffled moan passed between the two and Frank couldn’t be sure whose it was. He just kissed Gerard hard, hoping he wasn’t going to regret this later.

“Frank,” Gerard mumbled against his mouth when Frank pulled away to pant for breath. He let Frank rest their foreheads together and pant against his mouth.

“Sorry,” Frank whispered. “Couldn’t help it.” He bit his lip again and was surprised when Gerard surged up, kissing him deeply.

He somehow ended up on his back on the couch with Gerard over him, a hand carding through his hair as they kissed.

“Mph,” Frank tried to say as he shifted under Gerard and looked up at him, feeling slightly dazed. “Gerard, we can’t do this.”

Gerard blinked, and Frank saw him swallow and let out a breath.

“Here,” Frank continued. “Sofia’s right there. If I’m going to feel bad for thinking of myself, I’m not going to feel worse for doing it on the couch right next to her room.”

Gerard stopped a second and then smiled when Frank wiggled out from under him. He let Frank stand up and followed him off the couch to a door on the opposite side.

“I’m going to be a gentleman and not guess that you had ulterior motives for choosing this apartment,” Gerard said, glancing at the distance between rooms.

“Well, when she’s a teenager, I’m certainly not going to want to hear what goes on in there,” Frank answered honestly but smiled as Gerard leaned into him and nipped at his neck. “And maybe there was an idea or two in my subconscious.”

He could feel Gerard’s smile against his neck as he reached for the door to his room and they tumbled backwards.

Frank had a fleeting flash of indecision as the door was shut and they were thrown into darkness. His mind flew to Sofia across the living room and what she would think about this, if she would even understand it. He wondered how Gerard would handle it at school.

“Don’t worry about me,” came Gerard’s voice through the darkness and Frank jumped.

“I wasn’t,” he replied although he was obviously lying. He’d never been good at it.

Leaving Gerard, he felt his way to the bed and found the lamp chain. Pulling it on, he looked back at Gerard, who was still by the door. He sighed and put on a smile, sitting down on the bed, one leg curled underneath him.

“It’s just, are you sure?” he asked earnestly. “What if something goes wrong? What if Sofia gets hurt?”

Frank was surprised that these questions came to mind when before they never would have entered his mind.

Gerard came over, sinking down next to him on the bed and placing a hand on his thigh. “I told you. I won’t let that happen.”

Frank felt stupid almost. He knew Gerard was a great guy. He worked with four year olds all day for fuck’s sake. Anyone who could endure that had to be golden.

“I guess I just worry too much,” he muttered and saw Gerard’s soft smile.

“Sofia’s lucky,” he just murmured, pressing a kiss to Frank’s jaw, and Frank sighed, closing his eyes as another kiss was pressed to the side of his mouth. “Some parents don’t worry at all and bad things happen.”

Frank only nodded slightly when Gerard reached his mouth, kissing him softly.

“My mom worried about me,” he muttered in between kisses, letting Gerard push him back on the bed. “And I turned out okay.”

“Better than okay,” Gerard mumbled against his lips and Frank grinned.

“Better than okay,” he echoed, dragging a hand under Gerard’s shirt and feeling how Gerard arched into his touch. “Hey, so will you explain the glitter?”

“Glitter?” Gerard didn’t look up from where he’d slid down to Frank’s neck and was busy leaving a very visible mark that Frank didn’t fancy explaining to the other parents. He’d just tell Sofia it was a vampire.

Frank fingered Gerard’s hair and came away with glitter on his fingers. Gerard glanced at it for a second before shrugging and kissing Frank again and the glitter was smeared across his cheeks from Frank’s hand on his face.

“I like glitter,” he just said when he pulled away. “If you came over to my apartment, you’d probably have it everywhere too.”

“One step at a time,” Frank joked and Gerard laughed.

“Okay, okay, your place first.”

Smiling, Frank ducked down for a kiss before letting his head fall back and his eyes close as Gerard slipped further down.

*

Frank woke to the sun shining in his eyes; he hadn’t shut the curtain the night before. Wincing, he rolled over and buried his face in the pillow.

“Not a morning person, huh?” came a voice from beside him and Frank’s eyes shot open. It took him only a second to realize who it was but longer than that for his heart to calm down.

“Gerard,” he said, turning back over and flinching in the light. Gerard was sitting up and smiled at him. His hair was messier than normal, sleep-tousled, and Frank thought he looked quite cute.

“Morning,” he said and Frank smiled slowly.

“Morning. Why are you awake?”

“You know, someday, you’re going to have a teenage daughter who will want to go shopping much earlier than this on Black Friday.”

“Well, that’ll have to wait a few years,” Frank replied, snuggling against the pillow. “When she can drive herself.”

Gerard laughed but didn’t force Frank up.

“Hey, Frank,” he said after a minute and Frank gave a sleepy reply, his eyes still closed. “What’s this?”

Frank cracked open an eye but could only see a vague outline of a piece of paper. Sighing, he reached for it and pulled it down to his level.

Across the top, scribbled in his messy handwriting, the heading “Worst Dad Ever” glared at him and he groaned and pushed it away.

“Add burning the tofurkey to that,” he mumbled.

Gerard frowned. “You actually keep a list?”

“Yeah,” Frank replied. “To remind me how I suck at this dad thing. And maybe when Sofia’s old and fucked-up, we can go back to the list and figure out where it all went wrong.”

“You can’t be serious.” Gerard stared at him incredulously but Frank just shrugged, resolving himself to the fact that he was awake now. Pushing himself up, he rubbed his hair blearily and blinked at the list.

“’Course I am.”

Gerard stared. Frank gave him a questioning glance.

“What?”

“This is ridiculous, Frank,” Gerard said seriously and Frank shrugged.

“I think it’s useful. Maybe I won’t repeat the same mistakes twice.”

Gerard laughed for a second. “Frank, raising a kid isn’t about being perfect. It’s about learning and growing. If you burn a few meals, she’s not gonna hate you for it.”

“Maybe not, but she’ll remember it.”

Gerard rolled his eyes and took back the list. “She’ll remember that you tried your best and she’ll love you for it.”

“You seem awfully confident in her feelings,” Frank said, playfully accusing him. “Do you know something I don’t?”

“I know after working with kids for the past five years that they don’t judge like adults do and that they are pretty forgiving of human follies.”

Frank just sighed and sat up completely, stretching. “So what does that mean?”

“It means we are getting rid of your list,” Gerard said seriously, and Frank’s eyes widened.

“But you can’t!”

“I can.” Gerard lifted it and Frank watched, his mouth open and his eyes wide, as Gerard ripped it down the middle.

“But how will we be able to tell where it all went wrong?” he asked worriedly.

Gerard shook his head, tossing the pieces aside. “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you try.”

Frank looked at the pieces on the floor and bit his lip again. Finally, he sighed and looked up at Gerard.

“Fine, you can destroy my list, but you can’t tell me I’m a good cook.”

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” Gerard promised with a smile and Frank nodded, content.

“Good. Now, would you care to make it up to me?”

Gerard only grinned as he met Frank’s lips for a kiss and Frank only worried slightly what he was going to say to Sofia when she woke up.

*

“So are Ray and Walter happy together?” Ray asked, staring at his namesake on Frank’s filing cabinet.

Frank grinned as he bounced up from his desk. “They’re getting there. Turns out the whole color difference wasn’t a big deal.”

“I don’t know,” Gabe piped up from behind Ray and Ray swatted at him, but he ducked out of the way. “Blue and Red, two pretty opposite colors. But put them together and you get purple!”

“Go away,” Ray grumbled, shooing Gabe back to his job.

Frank just grinned, glancing at the picture of Sofia sitting on his desk.

“Purple is a pretty awesome color,” he agreed, patting Ray on the shoulder as he walked out. “Now, how about we get some good music in here? You’ve had crap bands for the past few months.”

Ray just stared as Frank waltzed out into the bar, grinning at nothing in particular, and finally feeling like life was looking up.

*

**epilogue**.

“Gerard!” Sofia ran out of her bedroom, clutching a piece of paper to her chest and looking up at Gerard nervously. She bit her lip and Gerard had to laugh. It was so like her father.

“Sofia, come help set the table,” Frank called.

Another tofurkey, perfectly brown thanks to Lyn-Z, sat on the counter and store-bought pumpkin pie joined it. Frank was busy putting out knives and forks. In the middle of the table sat a brown puff ball that Sofia insisted was a turkey she’d made at school.

“Yeah, Sof?” Gerard asked, leaning forward and ignoring the dog show on TV.

“I made this for you,” she said, almost nervously as she held out the paper. It was a drawing of three people, two men and a little girl in front of a white picket-fenced house. Bluebirds sat in the tree and the sun was shining brightly overhead.

“I love it,” Gerard told her honestly and her face lit up. She gave him a hug before running off to help Frank at the table.

Frank announced themselves ready and Gerard wandered over. Glancing around, he smiled.

“Nothing burned. I’m impressed, Iero.”

“Shut up,” Frank replied playfully, handing Sofia her napkin and taking his seat.

“Daddy,” Sofia said, turning to Frank. “Mr. Urie said, he said he’d take me to the aquarium next week.”

“Did he now?” Frank asked, sneaking a glance at Gerard, who shrugged.

“I can’t control Brendon. It’s not my fault he comes to your bar even though he’s not her teacher anymore.”

Frank paused, giving him a fake glare before he grinned and reached over to ruffle Sofia’s hair. She pushed his hand away quickly.

“Can I go, please?” she asked, her eyes big and her lip pouting.

“Well, I guess,” he said and Sofia’s face lit up. “As long as you promise to bring me back a picture of Stuart.”

“I promise!” she cried, hugging him tightly before settling back in her chair.

Frank just grinned and sat back in his chair as Gerard cut the tofurkey and passed Sofia a piece.

*

“The night is young,” Gerard murmured into Frank’s collar bone and Frank grinned.

“What did you have in mind?” Silence met his ears and he frowned. “Gee?”

He was surprised when Gerard pulled away, heading over to his bag on the floor. “I have something for you.”

“For me?”

“Well, it is technically our anniversary.”

Frank opened his mouth but Gerard just laughed.

“It’s nothing big, and don’t worry, I don’t want anything back.”

Frank frowned, but couldn’t complain. He waited impatiently then when Gerard dug something out of his bag and brought it over, crawling onto the bed with him.

It was wrapped in newspaper but Frank just gave him a curious look before tearing off the paper.

He pulled out a picture frame and turned it over, his mouth falling open as the light fell across the front.

“World’s Best Dad?” He read the heading on the top of the frame and his eyes skimmed down to his old, crumpled list, still with the tear down the middle, his cramped handwriting declaring his many faults down the page. “But why?”

Gerard smiled. “Because you cared enough to make a list.”

Frank stared at the frame and then smiled. “I thought you said it was ridiculous.”

“At the time, it was,” Gerard allowed. “But I think it shows something about you.”

“That I still can’t cook?”

Gerard shook his head but smiled. “That you were willing to try so hard just to make your daughter happy.”

“Yeah, good thing I don’t do that anymore,” Frank joked and Gerard gave his shoulder a light push.

“You’re a good father whether you like it or not.”

Frank paused, glancing at the list before setting it gently on the bedside table.

“I think I can handle that,” he said finally, smiling and pulling Gerard to his lips and kissing him softly.

“Good,” Gerard murmured when Frank pulled back. “I would have made you otherwise.”

Frank laughed and just pulled Gerard to him, tumbling back on the bed and smiling when Gerard landed on top of him.

“Thanks,” he whispered against his lips. “For not giving up.”

“I’m kind of stubborn that way,” Gerard just murmured back and Frank smiled into the kiss.

*

FIN.  



End file.
